Now that both parents working has become the pattern of the day, child abuse has snugly fit into that pattern. When parents return from a hard day’s work, they expect their children to be like angels. They forget that children need someone at home to teach them about life. They forget that children will behave like children. They forget that children have emotional needs, which when they go unmet will exhibit itself in bizarre behavioural patterns. Parents, instead of understanding this and trying to meet their needs, try to discipline them which further aggravates the problem. Children do not know how to explain their feelings of depravity through words and hence they show it via temper tantrums, vomiting, fainting, fits and the like. These get on the nerves of the parents who resort to beating or other cruel punishments to ‘straighten’ them out.
I wanted our only daughter to become a missionary and tended to forget that she was just a child. Life was very stressful for me at that time. I would beat her when I got angry with my mother-in-law. I threw her pet cat out because he would not eat what I served. This caused a rift between my daughter and me. One day when she spoke a bad word I beat her. Then I went up and sat in the terrace and cried. She slowly climbed up and came and sat in front of me and said something that stabbed me: “Mummy, why don’t you tell me that it is a bad word?” She was probably six at that time. Till today my cruelty brings a shudder to my heart. The child didn’t even know that it was a bad word. I sang lullabies to her and played with her and taught her the Bible, but when she failed in my expectation I would beat her. My time was spent in writing and ministering to others that I failed to notice her cry for attention. I wish some elderly lady sat with me, put her arms around me and taught me how to love my child. Things would have been better. I thank God, today she is a Christian Psychologist helping many people.
Our relationship became so strained that we decided to go to the Mental Health Centre for counselling. I didn’t want anybody to see me sitting in the Outpatient Department of the Mental Health Centre. But it helped. I started to understand the longing of a child’s heart for a mother’s love. With God’s help I started to change and she changed too. But the ugly scars remained.
The Bible says, children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from Him (Psalm 127:3). They are more than a property inherited, something of great value. But when they cut across our goals, we forget all that and get irritated. We fail to understand that there is a deep longing in them to be loved, to be cherished, to be understood. These are the things older women, who have learnt it the hard way, are to teach younger women (Tit 2:4). To love your children needs teaching. Or else we can exasperate them; which means to make very angry or irritated; tax their patience or provoke (Eph 6:4). Colossians 3 : 21 says that we must not come too hard on our children and crush their spirits.
Children have lot of needs at any stage. A young mother who has had a hard day would get angry when her child wakes her up in the night. They get hungry or hurt and long for compassion and attention but the parents have no time for all that. So they try to shut them up. Many parents react in anger and bitterness when life is hard on them and take it out on innocent children. God calls children as ‘His children’ and charges us of abusing them (Eze 16 : 21). Our children are God’s children and we need to bring them up for Him with utmost reverence and care.
It is also possible that one who was abused as a child would follow that pattern when he becomes a parent. Whatever may be the reason, if you realize you are abusing your child, get help. Prayerfully seek the help of a godly person, a counselor or psychiatrist. Love is a learning process. Learn to control your anger and express your love to your children in tangible ways. Make strong decisions never to beat them in anger.
This need not discourage you from disciplining the child. But it must be done with love (Prov 23:13; 29:15). Avoid cruel beatings, keeping them locked, threatenings, etc. Parents even kill their children. Athaliah murdered her own lineage to usurp the throne (2 Ki 11:1). Pagans sacrificed their children to their god Molech. Today we are doing the same to our god Mammon. God spoke of times when people would eat their own children (Dt 28 : 55). Today we are doing the same, consuming them to satisfy our lusts. If you are used to such cruelties towards your children, go down on your knees and cry to God for help. Learn gentle behaviour and self-control. Take positive steps towards expressing your love openly. If at all possible, do not send them to a hostel at a tender age.
In a Camp we asked the children to write down their grievances against parents anonymously. Many poured out their hearts stating how their parents beat them with chappals, pushed them towards goals they never could achieve, failed to understand, etc. A girl wrote to me about how her mother cut off her hair in anger and another about how she cowered in her father’s presence. Many are unable to communicate with their parents openly. At least once a week, maybe Sunday evenings, you can sit with your children and encourage them to express their grievances. Do not get upset but tell them what you expect from them and promise to be more understanding.
The prophet Micah’s wife was such that he could not pour out his heart to her (7:5). Micah himself had his failures (7:8,9). But the way he handled his failures teaches volumes to us. His enemies who mocked him put down their heads in shame. Read what he writes : “As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against Him, I will bear the Lord’s wrath, until He pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness”(7:7-10). Soon the Lord lifted him up and he sang, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (7:18,19).
We all fail, we all sin. But when we come to God in true repentance and willingness to change. He will make our life to blossom.
“Whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet,” said Constance Brisco. If we have swept it under the carpet, with God’s help let us lift up the carpet and sweep it clean and throw away the dirty thing out of doors.
Don’t be Rash! |
Dec 21, 2022 |
Bobo and Topi |
Dec 19, 2022 |
Remember the Poor! |
Dec 14, 2022 |
The Best Crown Ever! (Tamil) |
Dec 05, 2022 |
The Best Crown Ever! |
Nov 18, 2022 |
The Crowns GOD Gives Us |
Nov 13, 2022 |
367. December 31 Golden Girl |
Jun 06, 2023 |
366. December 30 Golden Girl |
Jun 05, 2023 |
365. December 29 Golden Girl |
Jun 04, 2023 |
December 31 Golden Girl |
Dec 31, 2022 |
December 30 Golden Girl |
Dec 30, 2022 |
December 29 Golden Girl |
Dec 29, 2022 |
051. Blessed Accident |
Feb 21, 2018 |
052. Offense |
Feb 21, 2018 |
053. Great and Small |
Feb 21, 2018 |
094 Ant and Worm |
Jun 01, 2016 |
095 Diligence Pays |
Jun 01, 2016 |
096 Poor Minister |
Jun 01, 2016 |
001 The Modern Prodigal |
Jul 11, 2013 |
002 Lower One Foot, Lord! |
Jul 11, 2013 |
003 Beautiful Cheques |
Jul 11, 2013 |
Introduction |
Jun 06, 2013 |
001. Is GOD For Real |
Jun 05, 2013 |
002.The Language of Love! |
Jun 05, 2013 |
019 - Mala the Great! |
Jun 25, 2015 |
020 - The Rainbow |
Jun 25, 2015 |
021 - What to Do? |
Jun 25, 2015 |
GO |
Sep 19, 2024 |
Youth Prophet |
Jul 24, 2022 |
Starting Trouble? |
Apr 30, 2022 |
Golden Girl |
Aug 27, 2018 |
Sister Sodom |
Jan 16, 2017 |
Women,Leaven and Heaven! |
Sep 30, 2016 |
Is My Life Over? |
Jul 17, 2023 |
Parties Gone Wild! |
Dec 27, 2020 |
A Teenagers Story |
Oct 04, 2017 |
Is ₹, my Big Boss? |
Feb 07, 2025 |
Quick, Hurry Up, Jesus is on the way! |
Jan 24, 2025 |
My Elder Brother |
Oct 14, 2024 |
Child Abuse |
Feb 03, 2022 |
Wife Beating |
Jul 11, 2021 |
Creepers Without Support |
Sep 30, 2016 |
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, 8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
Don’t be Rash! |
Dec 21, 2022 |
Bobo and Topi |
Dec 19, 2022 |
Remember the Poor! |
Dec 14, 2022 |
The Best Crown Ever! (Tamil) |
Dec 05, 2022 |
The Best Crown Ever! |
Nov 18, 2022 |
The Crowns GOD Gives Us |
Nov 13, 2022 |
367. December 31 Golden Girl |
Jun 06, 2023 |
366. December 30 Golden Girl |
Jun 05, 2023 |
365. December 29 Golden Girl |
Jun 04, 2023 |
December 31 Golden Girl |
Dec 31, 2022 |
December 30 Golden Girl |
Dec 30, 2022 |
December 29 Golden Girl |
Dec 29, 2022 |
051. Blessed Accident |
Feb 21, 2018 |
052. Offense |
Feb 21, 2018 |
053. Great and Small |
Feb 21, 2018 |
094 Ant and Worm |
Jun 01, 2016 |
095 Diligence Pays |
Jun 01, 2016 |
096 Poor Minister |
Jun 01, 2016 |
001 The Modern Prodigal |
Jul 11, 2013 |
002 Lower One Foot, Lord! |
Jul 11, 2013 |
003 Beautiful Cheques |
Jul 11, 2013 |
Introduction |
Jun 06, 2013 |
001. Is GOD For Real |
Jun 05, 2013 |
002.The Language of Love! |
Jun 05, 2013 |
019 - Mala the Great! |
Jun 25, 2015 |
020 - The Rainbow |
Jun 25, 2015 |
021 - What to Do? |
Jun 25, 2015 |
GO |
Sep 19, 2024 |
Youth Prophet |
Jul 24, 2022 |
Starting Trouble? |
Apr 30, 2022 |
Golden Girl |
Aug 27, 2018 |
Sister Sodom |
Jan 16, 2017 |
Women,Leaven and Heaven! |
Sep 30, 2016 |
Is My Life Over? |
Jul 17, 2023 |
Parties Gone Wild! |
Dec 27, 2020 |
A Teenagers Story |
Oct 04, 2017 |
Is ₹, my Big Boss? |
Feb 07, 2025 |
Quick, Hurry Up, Jesus is on the way! |
Jan 24, 2025 |
My Elder Brother |
Oct 14, 2024 |
Child Abuse |
Feb 03, 2022 |
Wife Beating |
Jul 11, 2021 |
Creepers Without Support |
Sep 30, 2016 |
Now that both parents working has become the pattern of the day, child abuse has snugly fit into that pattern. When parents return from a hard day’s work, they expect their children to be like angels. They forget that children need someone at home to teach them about life. They forget that children will behave like children. They forget that children have emotional needs, which when they go unmet will exhibit itself in bizarre behavioural patterns. Parents, instead of understanding this and trying to meet their needs, try to discipline them which further aggravates the problem. Children do not know how to explain their feelings of depravity through words and hence they show it via temper tantrums, vomiting, fainting, fits and the like. These get on the nerves of the parents who resort to beating or other cruel punishments to ‘straighten’ them out.
I wanted our only daughter to become a missionary and tended to forget that she was just a child. Life was very stressful for me at that time. I would beat her when I got angry with my mother-in-law. I threw her pet cat out because he would not eat what I served. This caused a rift between my daughter and me. One day when she spoke a bad word I beat her. Then I went up and sat in the terrace and cried. She slowly climbed up and came and sat in front of me and said something that stabbed me: “Mummy, why don’t you tell me that it is a bad word?” She was probably six at that time. Till today my cruelty brings a shudder to my heart. The child didn’t even know that it was a bad word. I sang lullabies to her and played with her and taught her the Bible, but when she failed in my expectation I would beat her. My time was spent in writing and ministering to others that I failed to notice her cry for attention. I wish some elderly lady sat with me, put her arms around me and taught me how to love my child. Things would have been better. I thank God, today she is a Christian Psychologist helping many people.
Our relationship became so strained that we decided to go to the Mental Health Centre for counselling. I didn’t want anybody to see me sitting in the Outpatient Department of the Mental Health Centre. But it helped. I started to understand the longing of a child’s heart for a mother’s love. With God’s help I started to change and she changed too. But the ugly scars remained.
The Bible says, children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from Him (Psalm 127:3). They are more than a property inherited, something of great value. But when they cut across our goals, we forget all that and get irritated. We fail to understand that there is a deep longing in them to be loved, to be cherished, to be understood. These are the things older women, who have learnt it the hard way, are to teach younger women (Tit 2:4). To love your children needs teaching. Or else we can exasperate them; which means to make very angry or irritated; tax their patience or provoke (Eph 6:4). Colossians 3 : 21 says that we must not come too hard on our children and crush their spirits.
Children have lot of needs at any stage. A young mother who has had a hard day would get angry when her child wakes her up in the night. They get hungry or hurt and long for compassion and attention but the parents have no time for all that. So they try to shut them up. Many parents react in anger and bitterness when life is hard on them and take it out on innocent children. God calls children as ‘His children’ and charges us of abusing them (Eze 16 : 21). Our children are God’s children and we need to bring them up for Him with utmost reverence and care.
It is also possible that one who was abused as a child would follow that pattern when he becomes a parent. Whatever may be the reason, if you realize you are abusing your child, get help. Prayerfully seek the help of a godly person, a counselor or psychiatrist. Love is a learning process. Learn to control your anger and express your love to your children in tangible ways. Make strong decisions never to beat them in anger.
This need not discourage you from disciplining the child. But it must be done with love (Prov 23:13; 29:15). Avoid cruel beatings, keeping them locked, threatenings, etc. Parents even kill their children. Athaliah murdered her own lineage to usurp the throne (2 Ki 11:1). Pagans sacrificed their children to their god Molech. Today we are doing the same to our god Mammon. God spoke of times when people would eat their own children (Dt 28 : 55). Today we are doing the same, consuming them to satisfy our lusts. If you are used to such cruelties towards your children, go down on your knees and cry to God for help. Learn gentle behaviour and self-control. Take positive steps towards expressing your love openly. If at all possible, do not send them to a hostel at a tender age.
In a Camp we asked the children to write down their grievances against parents anonymously. Many poured out their hearts stating how their parents beat them with chappals, pushed them towards goals they never could achieve, failed to understand, etc. A girl wrote to me about how her mother cut off her hair in anger and another about how she cowered in her father’s presence. Many are unable to communicate with their parents openly. At least once a week, maybe Sunday evenings, you can sit with your children and encourage them to express their grievances. Do not get upset but tell them what you expect from them and promise to be more understanding.
The prophet Micah’s wife was such that he could not pour out his heart to her (7:5). Micah himself had his failures (7:8,9). But the way he handled his failures teaches volumes to us. His enemies who mocked him put down their heads in shame. Read what he writes : “As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against Him, I will bear the Lord’s wrath, until He pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness”(7:7-10). Soon the Lord lifted him up and he sang, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (7:18,19).
We all fail, we all sin. But when we come to God in true repentance and willingness to change. He will make our life to blossom.
“Whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet,” said Constance Brisco. If we have swept it under the carpet, with God’s help let us lift up the carpet and sweep it clean and throw away the dirty thing out of doors.
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, Mob:8806270699
blc@bymonline.org