Child Abuse

Now that both parents working has become the pattern of the day, child abuse has snugly fit into that pattern. When parents return from a hard day’s work, they expect their children to be like angels.  They forget that children need someone at home to teach them about life. They forget that children will behave like children. They forget that children have emotional needs, which when they go unmet will exhibit itself in bizarre behavioural patterns.   Parents, instead of understanding this and trying to meet their needs, try to discipline them which further aggravates the problem.  Children do not know how to explain their feelings of depravity through words and hence they show it via temper tantrums, vomiting, fainting, fits and the like.  These get on the nerves of the parents who resort to beating or other cruel punishments to ‘straighten’ them out.

I wanted our only daughter to become a missionary and tended to forget that she was just a child. Life was very stressful for me at that time. I would beat her when I got angry with my mother-in-law.  I threw her pet cat out because he would not eat what I served. This caused a rift between my daughter and me. One day when she spoke a bad word I beat her. Then I went up and sat in the terrace and cried. She slowly climbed up and came and sat in front of me and said something that stabbed me: “Mummy, why don’t you tell me that it is a bad word?” She was probably six at that time. Till today my cruelty brings a shudder to my heart. The child didn’t even know that it was a bad word.  I sang lullabies to her and played with her and taught her the Bible, but when she failed in my expectation I would beat her. My time was spent in writing and ministering to others that I failed to notice her cry for attention.  I wish some elderly lady sat with me, put her arms around me and taught me how to love my child.  Things would have been better. I thank God, today she is a Christian Psychologist helping many people.

Our relationship became so strained that we decided to go to the Mental Health Centre for counselling. I didn’t want anybody to see me sitting in the Outpatient Department of the Mental Health Centre.  But it helped. I started to understand the longing of a child’s heart for a mother’s love. With God’s help I started to change and she changed too. But the ugly scars remained. 

The Bible says, children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from Him (Psalm 127:3). They are more than a property inherited, something of great value.  But when they cut across our goals, we forget all that and get irritated. We fail to understand that there is a deep longing in them to be loved, to be cherished,  to be understood. These are the things older women, who have learnt it the hard way, are to teach younger women (Tit 2:4). To love your children needs teaching. Or else we can exasperate them; which means to make very angry or irritated; tax their patience or provoke (Eph 6:4). Colossians 3 : 21 says that we must not come too hard on our children and crush their spirits.

Children have lot of needs at any stage. A young mother who has had a hard day would get angry when her child wakes her up in the night. They get hungry or hurt and long for compassion and attention but the parents have no time for all that. So they try to shut them up. Many parents react in anger and bitterness when life is hard on them and take it out on innocent children.  God calls children as ‘His children’ and charges us of abusing them (Eze 16 : 21).  Our children are God’s children and we need to bring them up for Him with utmost reverence and care. 

It is also possible that one who was abused as a child would follow that pattern when he becomes a parent. Whatever may be the reason, if you realize you are abusing your child, get help. Prayerfully seek the help of a godly person, a counselor or psychiatrist. Love is a learning process.  Learn to control your anger and express your love to your children in tangible ways. Make strong decisions never to beat them in anger. 

This need not discourage you from disciplining the child.  But it must be done with love (Prov 23:13; 29:15).  Avoid cruel beatings, keeping them locked,  threatenings, etc. Parents even kill their children. Athaliah murdered her own lineage to usurp the throne (2 Ki 11:1).  Pagans sacrificed their children to their god Molech.  Today we are doing the same to our god Mammon. God spoke of times when people would eat their own children (Dt  28 : 55).  Today we are doing the same,  consuming them to satisfy our lusts. If you are used to such cruelties towards your children,  go down on your knees and cry to God for help.   Learn gentle behaviour and self-control. Take positive steps towards expressing your love openly. If at all possible, do not send them to a hostel at a tender age. 

In a Camp we asked the children to write down their grievances against parents anonymously. Many poured out their hearts stating how their parents beat them with chappals,  pushed them towards goals they never could achieve, failed to understand, etc. A girl wrote to me about how her mother cut off her hair in anger and another about how she cowered in her father’s presence.  Many are unable to communicate with their parents openly.  At least once a week, maybe Sunday evenings, you can sit with your children and encourage them to express their grievances. Do not get upset but tell them what you expect from them and promise to be more understanding.

The prophet Micah’s wife was such that he could not pour out his heart to her (7:5). Micah himself had his failures (7:8,9). But the way he handled his failures teaches volumes to us. His enemies who mocked him put down their heads in shame. Read what he writes : “As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against Him, I will bear the Lord’s wrath, until He pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness”(7:7-10). Soon the Lord lifted him up and he sang, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (7:18,19).

We all fail, we all sin. But when we come to God in true repentance and willingness to change. He will make our life to blossom.  

“Whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet,” said Constance Brisco.  If we have swept it under the carpet,  with God’s help let us lift up the carpet and sweep it clean and throw away the dirty thing out of doors.

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    7 Jan 1989 Dear Aunty, Christmas holidays were great fun. It was lovely getting in touch with friends and relatives. On New Year?s Day I gleaned thro? my diary- There was so much to thank God for! My friend Esther is in Rajasthan. She wrote asking for g more...
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 Little Stories for Little Hearts Vol 5
   Updated

 Dr Lilian Stanley Blog
   Updated

  •   The Best Crown Ever! (Tamil)
      Dec 05, 2022
    The Best Crown Ever! more...
  •   The Best Crown Ever!
      Nov 18, 2022
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   Updated

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      Jun 06, 2023
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 Little Stories for Little Hearts Vol 4

  •   051. Blessed Accident
      Feb 21, 2018
    A sailor wanted to go round the world in a boat and set up a record. Sadly, a storm lashed his boat and it broke to pieces. The sailor swam and reached a small uninhabited island. He ate wild fruits and roots and survived. He made a more...
  •   052. Offense
      Feb 21, 2018
    An elaborate feast was arranged for all the palace staff on the occasion of Queen Elizabeth?s birthday. It was a grand affair. The table was loaded with a variety of dishes. Everybody enjoyed the feast and sat down for dessert. In the meanwhile the table more...
  •   053. Great and Small
      Feb 21, 2018
    A small zero collided with a big zero. ?Don?t you have any sense? Don?t you know I am much bigger than you?? asked the big zero; ?You must be ashamed of yourself.? more...
  • Click here for more 

 Little Stories for Little Hearts Vol 3

  •   094 Ant and Worm
      Jun 01, 2016
    An ant was majestically walking along a forest. She saw a worm crawling. The ant told the worm: ?Look at me. I am so brisk and smart. You should be faster and dress up beautifully. You look ugly.? Despising the worm the ant moved along. more...
  •   095 Diligence Pays
      Jun 01, 2016
    Ragu was very jealous of the humble minister, Ra more...
  •   096 Poor Minister
      Jun 01, 2016
    A poor minister of God used to go to a rich businessman asking for contribution for the work he was doing in villages. The rich man would give excuses and ask hi more...
  • Click here for more 

 Little Stories for Little Hearts Vol 2

  •   001 The Modern Prodigal
      Jul 11, 2013
    The Modern Prodigal more...
  •   002 Lower One Foot, Lord!
      Jul 11, 2013
    Lower One Foot, Lord! more...
  •   003 Beautiful Cheques
      Jul 11, 2013
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  • Click here for more 

 Little Stories For Little Hearts

  •   Introduction
      Jun 06, 2013
    Story Behind The Stories more...
  •   001. Is GOD For Real
      Jun 05, 2013
    There were two scientists. One was a believer in the true God and another was an aetheist more...
  •   002.The Language of Love!
      Jun 05, 2013
    A circus was running in town, and crowds elbowed each other to buy tickets. One day an unusual incident happened more...
  • Click here for more 

 Sweet Sixteen

  •   019 - Mala the Great!
      Jun 25, 2015
    7 Dec 1988 Dear Aunty, It?s been 2 months since we were in touch. I?m saturated with ?news? to give you and nearly bursting with curiosity to hear what?s been happening at your end. The last letter you wrote to me was an eye-opener. To more...
  •   020 - The Rainbow
      Jun 25, 2015
    On the day she arrived, she was at my doorstep! ?Hi aunty? ?Oh Mala, how are you?? She shook my hand so long and hard that it ached, and planted a kiss on my cheek - so unusual of her. ?Why didn?t you write aunty?? ?Oh, I knew you?d be coming soon. So more...
  •   021 - What to Do?
      Jun 25, 2015
    7 Jan 1989 Dear Aunty, Christmas holidays were great fun. It was lovely getting in touch with friends and relatives. On New Year?s Day I gleaned thro? my diary- There was so much to thank God for! My friend Esther is in Rajasthan. She wrote asking for g more...
  • Click here for more 

 Ministry

  •   GO
      Sep 19, 2024
    Before giving the Great Commission, our Lord Jesus groomed His disciples for three and a half years more...
  •   Youth Prophet
      Jul 24, 2022
    I am Jeremiah the prophet. Read my book, having in mind a budding youth who matured into a grand old man more...
  •   Starting Trouble?
      Apr 30, 2022
    Many want to serve God but they do not know how... more...
  • Click here for more 

 Women

  •   Golden Girl
      Aug 27, 2018
    As India basks in the glory of the golden girls who kissed their gold medals in the 2018 Asian Games, let us meditate upon the Golden Girl who glitters in the Scriptures. The Psalmist profiles her in his 45th Psalm: ?At Your right hand is the royal bride more...
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      Jan 16, 2017
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      Sep 30, 2016
    Women,Leaven and Heaven! 'The Kingdom of heaven is like leaven, which a woman took and hid in three measures of meal till it was all leavened ' ,said Jesus (Mt 13:33). more...
  • Click here for more 

 Youth

  •   Is My Life Over?
      Jul 17, 2023
    Failure in something is not failure in life more...
  •   Parties Gone Wild!
      Dec 27, 2020
    Parties Gone Wild! more...
  •   A Teenagers Story
      Oct 04, 2017
    In the Bible we read about many teenagers. One such is David. When we are introduced to him, he is probably fifteen or sixteen, trying his more...
  • Click here for more 

 General
   Updated

  •   Is ₹, my Big Boss?
      Feb 07, 2025
    In the last days perilous times will come; for men will be lovers of money more...
  •   Quick, Hurry Up, Jesus is on the way!
      Jan 24, 2025
    Get ready, the Lord is coming!" This was announced as early as Genesis by Enoch who prophesied more...
  •   My Elder Brother
      Oct 14, 2024
    I am James, the brother of Jesus. Born into the lowest rung of society in the rustic town of Nazareth, we were five brothers and had sisters too more...
  • Click here for more 

 Family
   Updated

  •   Child Abuse
      Feb 03, 2022
    "Whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet," said Constance Brisco more...
  •   Wife Beating
      Jul 11, 2021
    Wife Beating more...
  •   Creepers Without Support
      Sep 30, 2016
    Creepers Without Support The Bible mentions ?pure religion? only once. ?Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unspotted from the world? (Js 1:2 more...
  • Click here for more 

  Articles (Tamil)

   Updated
  •   என் அண்ணா!
      Oct 14, 2024
    நான் இயேசுவின் தம்பி யாக்கோபு. ஏழை குடும்பத்தில், நாசரேத் என்னும் ஊரில் பிறந்த நாங்கள் ஐந்து சகோதரர் மற்றும் சகோதரிகள். more...
  •   இறைவார்த்தையின் வல்லமை!.
      Mar 10, 2024
    நாம் ஜெபிக்கவேண்டும்தான். அனால் இரன்டு காரணங்களுக்காக நாம் சோதிக்கப்படும்படி தேவன் அனுமதிக்கிறார் more...
  •   நான் குழந்தை இயேசு!.
      Jan 29, 2024
    அப்பாவின் கவலை தோய்ந்த முகம் பூலோகத்தையே உற்று நோக்கி கொண்டிருந்ததை கவனித்தேன் more...

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Child Abuse

Now that both parents working has become the pattern of the day, child abuse has snugly fit into that pattern. When parents return from a hard day’s work, they expect their children to be like angels.  They forget that children need someone at home to teach them about life. They forget that children will behave like children. They forget that children have emotional needs, which when they go unmet will exhibit itself in bizarre behavioural patterns.   Parents, instead of understanding this and trying to meet their needs, try to discipline them which further aggravates the problem.  Children do not know how to explain their feelings of depravity through words and hence they show it via temper tantrums, vomiting, fainting, fits and the like.  These get on the nerves of the parents who resort to beating or other cruel punishments to ‘straighten’ them out.

I wanted our only daughter to become a missionary and tended to forget that she was just a child. Life was very stressful for me at that time. I would beat her when I got angry with my mother-in-law.  I threw her pet cat out because he would not eat what I served. This caused a rift between my daughter and me. One day when she spoke a bad word I beat her. Then I went up and sat in the terrace and cried. She slowly climbed up and came and sat in front of me and said something that stabbed me: “Mummy, why don’t you tell me that it is a bad word?” She was probably six at that time. Till today my cruelty brings a shudder to my heart. The child didn’t even know that it was a bad word.  I sang lullabies to her and played with her and taught her the Bible, but when she failed in my expectation I would beat her. My time was spent in writing and ministering to others that I failed to notice her cry for attention.  I wish some elderly lady sat with me, put her arms around me and taught me how to love my child.  Things would have been better. I thank God, today she is a Christian Psychologist helping many people.

Our relationship became so strained that we decided to go to the Mental Health Centre for counselling. I didn’t want anybody to see me sitting in the Outpatient Department of the Mental Health Centre.  But it helped. I started to understand the longing of a child’s heart for a mother’s love. With God’s help I started to change and she changed too. But the ugly scars remained. 

The Bible says, children are a heritage from the Lord, a reward from Him (Psalm 127:3). They are more than a property inherited, something of great value.  But when they cut across our goals, we forget all that and get irritated. We fail to understand that there is a deep longing in them to be loved, to be cherished,  to be understood. These are the things older women, who have learnt it the hard way, are to teach younger women (Tit 2:4). To love your children needs teaching. Or else we can exasperate them; which means to make very angry or irritated; tax their patience or provoke (Eph 6:4). Colossians 3 : 21 says that we must not come too hard on our children and crush their spirits.

Children have lot of needs at any stage. A young mother who has had a hard day would get angry when her child wakes her up in the night. They get hungry or hurt and long for compassion and attention but the parents have no time for all that. So they try to shut them up. Many parents react in anger and bitterness when life is hard on them and take it out on innocent children.  God calls children as ‘His children’ and charges us of abusing them (Eze 16 : 21).  Our children are God’s children and we need to bring them up for Him with utmost reverence and care. 

It is also possible that one who was abused as a child would follow that pattern when he becomes a parent. Whatever may be the reason, if you realize you are abusing your child, get help. Prayerfully seek the help of a godly person, a counselor or psychiatrist. Love is a learning process.  Learn to control your anger and express your love to your children in tangible ways. Make strong decisions never to beat them in anger. 

This need not discourage you from disciplining the child.  But it must be done with love (Prov 23:13; 29:15).  Avoid cruel beatings, keeping them locked,  threatenings, etc. Parents even kill their children. Athaliah murdered her own lineage to usurp the throne (2 Ki 11:1).  Pagans sacrificed their children to their god Molech.  Today we are doing the same to our god Mammon. God spoke of times when people would eat their own children (Dt  28 : 55).  Today we are doing the same,  consuming them to satisfy our lusts. If you are used to such cruelties towards your children,  go down on your knees and cry to God for help.   Learn gentle behaviour and self-control. Take positive steps towards expressing your love openly. If at all possible, do not send them to a hostel at a tender age. 

In a Camp we asked the children to write down their grievances against parents anonymously. Many poured out their hearts stating how their parents beat them with chappals,  pushed them towards goals they never could achieve, failed to understand, etc. A girl wrote to me about how her mother cut off her hair in anger and another about how she cowered in her father’s presence.  Many are unable to communicate with their parents openly.  At least once a week, maybe Sunday evenings, you can sit with your children and encourage them to express their grievances. Do not get upset but tell them what you expect from them and promise to be more understanding.

The prophet Micah’s wife was such that he could not pour out his heart to her (7:5). Micah himself had his failures (7:8,9). But the way he handled his failures teaches volumes to us. His enemies who mocked him put down their heads in shame. Read what he writes : “As for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me. Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light. Because I have sinned against Him, I will bear the Lord’s wrath, until He pleads my case and establishes my right. He will bring me out into the light; I will see his righteousness”(7:7-10). Soon the Lord lifted him up and he sang, “Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of His inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; You will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (7:18,19).

We all fail, we all sin. But when we come to God in true repentance and willingness to change. He will make our life to blossom.  

“Whilst child abuse may be committed behind closed doors, it should never be swept under the carpet,” said Constance Brisco.  If we have swept it under the carpet,  with God’s help let us lift up the carpet and sweep it clean and throw away the dirty thing out of doors.

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