Why Children Go Astray
Why do children go astray, in spite of parents and elders praying for them? What can Christian parents do to arrest the bad trend?
We parents have failed in many ways.
Firstly, the modern trend is for the mother to work outside the home. Fulltime moms are becoming rare. The mother joins duty after her two months maternity leave and expects somebody to give “motherly” care to the baby. The drifting of the child starts as early as that. The two career- couples have no time to calmly relate to their children. Both come home tired and take out their frustrations on the children.
There is no one at home when the children come back from school. What the servant says is the rule. Nobody fixes a good dinner for them. Children don’t develop a bond with the parents, because they are passed from hand to hand. They stand loose in this wicked world.
The Bible is not against women working outside the home. We see Ruth, Priscilla, Lydia and others. But the Bible certainly downplays it. A woman’s priority should be the home (Tit 2:5). A girl needs to study and qualify, because you never can tell her future. But she must be taught the dignity of womanhood, motherhood and housekeeping.
When a girl marries, she must relax to be a housewife and prepare herself for motherhood. The couple must decide whether she needs to work 8 hours outside the home or not. It is easy to say that things are expensive these days. But look at a man working in the field, whistling a song. His wife is under a tree singing a lullaby and rocking a cradle. She has a pot of cold rice and pickle for her husband. What does this tell us? We don’t die if we don’t have a TV or fridge. It is a mental discipline to keep our lifestyle at bay. The wife can productively use her knowledge and extra hours in so many ways (Prov 31:6). She should hold up her head and call herself a “working woman” - working for the home!
Secondly, parents do not give importance to the systematic teaching of the Scriptures to their children. That needs a sizeable time. “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Dt 6:6-9). This appears to be an overdose of religion. But God commanded it and let’s do it without fear whether we are stuffing religion down the throats of our children.
Paul was taught the Old Testament thoroughly. But he was not saved. When the Lord touched his heart, whatever he had studied clicked into place and the knowledge was profitable for generations to come. Timothy’s grandmother and mother taught him the Scriptures from “infancy.” It was that knowledge that led him to salvation through faith in Christ (2 Tim 3:15). It is never too early to teach children. Sing Jesus songs to your baby. Then teach him to say “Jesus.” Then start telling him stories from the Bible.
I am surprised how many Christian children do not know the history of creation. No wonder they are made to believe they evolved from monkeys, when they go to school. Let not Charlie make a monkey out of your children. If the woman decides to be a housewife this problem is mostly solved. However, the man must also realise that as head of the home, the lion’s share of not only the privileges but also the responsibilities go to him.
Thirdly, parents have become too material minded. They would rather labour to build a house or buy a TV than play with their kids in the park. Their mind is set on earthly things, not on things Above (Col 3:2). Money is the pivot around which their life revolves. It is the motivating and deciding factor of their plans and programmes. Anything that cuts across that is no good.
I listened to a song, the content of which is as follows: A little son calls his father to play ball with him. But the father has to work overtime and he says, “Not, now son. I have no time just now. Maybe some other time.” The son loves the father so much that he hugs his neck and says, “Daddy, some day when I grow up, I’ll be like you.” As the son grows up, the father runs to Board meetings, dashes to catch planes, misses his birthday party, is absent on parents day, etc. Then one day the grown-up son asks the father for the car keys. The father says that he wants to talk to him. And the son replies, “Not now daddy. I have no time just now. Maybe some other time. Just give me the car keys.” The father concludes, “He has grown up just like me.”
How can we parents do this to our children and then blame them? Let us learn to put first things first. Be satisfied with a simple lifestyle.
Fourthly, parents are anxious that their children should excel academically. When a child does not perform to the parents’ expectation, they are disappointed. This is expressed by way of physical and verbal abuse of the child. The child interprets this as, ‘‘My parents do not love me, because I don’t study well.” They are right. Parents are not ready to love their children unless they shine in school or college. We make our children feel guilty for no fault of theirs.
Sometimes parents keep their eyes so much on studies that they become blind to the other talents the child exhibits and often fail to offer a word of praise for his accomplishment in some other field. They may even condemn him for wasting his time on it instead of studying. So children are disappointed and the relationship is strained. Parents should know the limits of each child and never push him beyond his limits. They must happily accept the path the Lord shows for each child as best for him or her. The mantle of Elijah may fall on a son plowing the field (1 Ki 19:19,20). God may anoint your son as a king when he had gone out in search of your donkeys (1 Sam 9:3). Or, he may flee the luxuries of a palace to your disappointment and become a Moses. Why not? Believe it.
Fifthly, parents are blind to the changing lifestyles. We must remember that our children are facing much more evil than we did. We cannot bring them up the way we were brought up. Children learn more and know more. Girls are out of doors and more independent. It is possible for an adult child to live alone in this world which was almost impossible some years ago. Drugs are supplied everywhere. Men and women of the world wait everywhere to catch our children. Children go to other countries to study or live with parents where the culture is more liberal. Pen friends, videos and literature are opening them up to other cultures.
So at the right time parents must tactfully relax their grip and release them into the world, having given them a godly training and equipped them with sufficient knowledge of the world. They must learn to lovingly listen to their children’s experiences and discuss with them the problems they face. Appreciate their point of view and be open to their suggestions. In this letting-gooff process, parents must sometimes have the courage to fold their hands and look on, as their children hurt themselves. They will put to trial all the truths learnt at home and find out their validity for themselves. Unless parents have the courage to do this, they will end up with paralytics or runaways. Many parents hold on to even adult children and dictate terms. So children get frustrated and walk out on them. Don’t carry them on your backs. Teach them to fly.
Sixthly, parents use their money and influence to give their children what they don’t deserve. They buy him a vehicle and get his license two years earlier (of course by wrong means). And when he has an accident they bribe the police officer and take him out. Parents throw green notes to get a seat anywhere they want. Children don’t need to prove their merit anymore, either to get in or get out. They give a fat dowry to get a good boy.
Where is God in the picture? See how warped our ways are. Parents fall back on their money and status, not God. Rightly it is said, “When you have money you pay, when you don’t have money you pray.” Because parents are relying more and more on the strength of the flesh, they don’t need to seek God’s will anymore.
If they want God, it is for more money, more comforts and more place in the world. They don’t want Him to meddle in their personal decisions. So now parents don’t ask God for His will for each of their children. They decide their children’s future.
Parents should harden their hearts and let the children suffer the consequences of their irresponsible behaviour, for their own good. No marks — no professional college. Irresponsible driving, theft, drunkenness — let them serve a prison term (1 Cor 5:5). Give God a chance to work in their hearts and lives.
We parents must repent of the wrongs we are doing for our children, and turn to God’s ways. Before the hearts of the children turn to the fathers, the hearts of the fathers must first turn to the children (Mal 4:6).
To summarize, if parents give first place to God, next place to family and only third place to job and earning, then we’ll probably be transported to the garden of Eden!
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, 8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
Why Children Go Astray
Why do children go astray, in spite of parents and elders praying for them? What can Christian parents do to arrest the bad trend?
We parents have failed in many ways.
Firstly, the modern trend is for the mother to work outside the home. Fulltime moms are becoming rare. The mother joins duty after her two months maternity leave and expects somebody to give “motherly” care to the baby. The drifting of the child starts as early as that. The two career- couples have no time to calmly relate to their children. Both come home tired and take out their frustrations on the children.
There is no one at home when the children come back from school. What the servant says is the rule. Nobody fixes a good dinner for them. Children don’t develop a bond with the parents, because they are passed from hand to hand. They stand loose in this wicked world.
The Bible is not against women working outside the home. We see Ruth, Priscilla, Lydia and others. But the Bible certainly downplays it. A woman’s priority should be the home (Tit 2:5). A girl needs to study and qualify, because you never can tell her future. But she must be taught the dignity of womanhood, motherhood and housekeeping.
When a girl marries, she must relax to be a housewife and prepare herself for motherhood. The couple must decide whether she needs to work 8 hours outside the home or not. It is easy to say that things are expensive these days. But look at a man working in the field, whistling a song. His wife is under a tree singing a lullaby and rocking a cradle. She has a pot of cold rice and pickle for her husband. What does this tell us? We don’t die if we don’t have a TV or fridge. It is a mental discipline to keep our lifestyle at bay. The wife can productively use her knowledge and extra hours in so many ways (Prov 31:6). She should hold up her head and call herself a “working woman” - working for the home!
Secondly, parents do not give importance to the systematic teaching of the Scriptures to their children. That needs a sizeable time. “These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates” (Dt 6:6-9). This appears to be an overdose of religion. But God commanded it and let’s do it without fear whether we are stuffing religion down the throats of our children.
Paul was taught the Old Testament thoroughly. But he was not saved. When the Lord touched his heart, whatever he had studied clicked into place and the knowledge was profitable for generations to come. Timothy’s grandmother and mother taught him the Scriptures from “infancy.” It was that knowledge that led him to salvation through faith in Christ (2 Tim 3:15). It is never too early to teach children. Sing Jesus songs to your baby. Then teach him to say “Jesus.” Then start telling him stories from the Bible.
I am surprised how many Christian children do not know the history of creation. No wonder they are made to believe they evolved from monkeys, when they go to school. Let not Charlie make a monkey out of your children. If the woman decides to be a housewife this problem is mostly solved. However, the man must also realise that as head of the home, the lion’s share of not only the privileges but also the responsibilities go to him.
Thirdly, parents have become too material minded. They would rather labour to build a house or buy a TV than play with their kids in the park. Their mind is set on earthly things, not on things Above (Col 3:2). Money is the pivot around which their life revolves. It is the motivating and deciding factor of their plans and programmes. Anything that cuts across that is no good.
I listened to a song, the content of which is as follows: A little son calls his father to play ball with him. But the father has to work overtime and he says, “Not, now son. I have no time just now. Maybe some other time.” The son loves the father so much that he hugs his neck and says, “Daddy, some day when I grow up, I’ll be like you.” As the son grows up, the father runs to Board meetings, dashes to catch planes, misses his birthday party, is absent on parents day, etc. Then one day the grown-up son asks the father for the car keys. The father says that he wants to talk to him. And the son replies, “Not now daddy. I have no time just now. Maybe some other time. Just give me the car keys.” The father concludes, “He has grown up just like me.”
How can we parents do this to our children and then blame them? Let us learn to put first things first. Be satisfied with a simple lifestyle.
Fourthly, parents are anxious that their children should excel academically. When a child does not perform to the parents’ expectation, they are disappointed. This is expressed by way of physical and verbal abuse of the child. The child interprets this as, ‘‘My parents do not love me, because I don’t study well.” They are right. Parents are not ready to love their children unless they shine in school or college. We make our children feel guilty for no fault of theirs.
Sometimes parents keep their eyes so much on studies that they become blind to the other talents the child exhibits and often fail to offer a word of praise for his accomplishment in some other field. They may even condemn him for wasting his time on it instead of studying. So children are disappointed and the relationship is strained. Parents should know the limits of each child and never push him beyond his limits. They must happily accept the path the Lord shows for each child as best for him or her. The mantle of Elijah may fall on a son plowing the field (1 Ki 19:19,20). God may anoint your son as a king when he had gone out in search of your donkeys (1 Sam 9:3). Or, he may flee the luxuries of a palace to your disappointment and become a Moses. Why not? Believe it.
Fifthly, parents are blind to the changing lifestyles. We must remember that our children are facing much more evil than we did. We cannot bring them up the way we were brought up. Children learn more and know more. Girls are out of doors and more independent. It is possible for an adult child to live alone in this world which was almost impossible some years ago. Drugs are supplied everywhere. Men and women of the world wait everywhere to catch our children. Children go to other countries to study or live with parents where the culture is more liberal. Pen friends, videos and literature are opening them up to other cultures.
So at the right time parents must tactfully relax their grip and release them into the world, having given them a godly training and equipped them with sufficient knowledge of the world. They must learn to lovingly listen to their children’s experiences and discuss with them the problems they face. Appreciate their point of view and be open to their suggestions. In this letting-gooff process, parents must sometimes have the courage to fold their hands and look on, as their children hurt themselves. They will put to trial all the truths learnt at home and find out their validity for themselves. Unless parents have the courage to do this, they will end up with paralytics or runaways. Many parents hold on to even adult children and dictate terms. So children get frustrated and walk out on them. Don’t carry them on your backs. Teach them to fly.
Sixthly, parents use their money and influence to give their children what they don’t deserve. They buy him a vehicle and get his license two years earlier (of course by wrong means). And when he has an accident they bribe the police officer and take him out. Parents throw green notes to get a seat anywhere they want. Children don’t need to prove their merit anymore, either to get in or get out. They give a fat dowry to get a good boy.
Where is God in the picture? See how warped our ways are. Parents fall back on their money and status, not God. Rightly it is said, “When you have money you pay, when you don’t have money you pray.” Because parents are relying more and more on the strength of the flesh, they don’t need to seek God’s will anymore.
If they want God, it is for more money, more comforts and more place in the world. They don’t want Him to meddle in their personal decisions. So now parents don’t ask God for His will for each of their children. They decide their children’s future.
Parents should harden their hearts and let the children suffer the consequences of their irresponsible behaviour, for their own good. No marks — no professional college. Irresponsible driving, theft, drunkenness — let them serve a prison term (1 Cor 5:5). Give God a chance to work in their hearts and lives.
We parents must repent of the wrongs we are doing for our children, and turn to God’s ways. Before the hearts of the children turn to the fathers, the hearts of the fathers must first turn to the children (Mal 4:6).
To summarize, if parents give first place to God, next place to family and only third place to job and earning, then we’ll probably be transported to the garden of Eden!
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, Mob:8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
