Hold Your Tongue!
Don’t gossip; don’t listen to gossip; don’t read gossip. It is enough to know Charles and Diana have broken up. It is not necessary to pour over all information that you can lay your hands on.
Criticism
It is to judge with severity, or to find fault with. Is your criticism an injection to heal or a punch in the gut? Is it a constructive suggestion or a deflating insult? There are some who inspite of a near-perfect work will let their eyes rove to find a flaw. Away with such an attitude. Silence your inner critic.
There were so many things about Jesus that the Pharisees could have appreciated. Instead it was a barrage of criticism—about His eating, drinking, ministry, just about everything. When you are filled with a spirit of criticism you become blind to the sweetness of the person. The jackfruit is covered with thorns, sugarcane is not a straight line, coconut is a hard nut to crack, yet they all are sweet inside. So are people. Faults are thin where love is thick.
It is the Lord who judges. Therefore judge nothing before time. Wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise or punishment from God (1 Cor 4:5; Rom 14:10-13). Every person must feel he or she is worth something. Take care not to demolish that worth.
Foul Words
Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth (Eph 4:29). Even Spirit-filled believers pour out filth from their mouth when they let out their exhaust fumes, especially at home, causing immense unpleasantness. Imagine your spouse or child speaking the same to you. Can you tolerate it? Paul advises the Colossians to make sure it was all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk (Col 3:7,8). Is your rudder steering you to heaven or hell? (Js 3:1-12). You praise in the church and profane at home. Your children will carry it on to their new homes to shock their spouses and their families. So stop it. Tell your spouse to bring a live coal to burn your lips whenever you open the floodgate. That will cure you soon. It is better to go to heaven with burnt lips than to hell with beautiful lips. ‘Fool’ and ‘stupid’ have become such common words that even children use them to address parents. It should be strictly dealt with and not winked at.
Idle Talk
It is useless, pointless talk wasting away time. Without gossipping, backbiting or foul words one can go on talking purposelessly. This does not mean funtime or family time. Happy moments are essential for life. But idle words do not profit the talker or the listeners.
If we don’t keep ourselves busy, we will give ourselves to empty talk, giving critics (of Christianity) foothold for finding fault (1 Tim 5:13,14). Jesus said that every careless word we spoke would come back and haunt us. There would be a time of reckoning, He said. Words are dynamite. Handle with care! Words can be our salvation. Words can also be our damnation (Mt 12:33-37).
Provoking
It means to incite to anger or resentment; to rouse. I call it frontbiting. Parents can provoke their children by poking fun at them or nagging (Eph 6:4). Children can deliberately provoke their parents by their words. Husband and wife verbally assault each other by sarcastic words and caustic remarks. It is not an angry explosion, rather a subtle remark, softly spoken that goes deep like an arrow. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law use it as a tool to make each other miserable. Even in prayer one can provoke the other cunningly. Sometimes the remark is so clever that no one but the target will understand what that innocentsounding statement meant. If confronted, they will defend themselves saying that they said it in a good sense only. You can’t catch these slippery fish or their slippery words. “Hannah’s rival also provoked her severely, because the Lord had closed her womb” (1 Sam 1:6). Are you provoking someone because of their weakness? Never forget that the Lord turns tables (1 Sam 2:4-8).
Murmuring
Grumblers are hard-to-satisfy people. They always look for something more, something better. Why didn’t God provide water for the Israelites till they thirsted and fainted in the wilderness? I suppose He was testing them to the utmost. If they had gone on with the thirst trusting God, would He have let them die of thirst? He would have performed miracle after miracle to prove His might. Can we hold on without murmuring, complaining? Let your patience be elastic. Praise God for “everything” (1Cor 10:10; Jude 16).
The disciples of Jesus grumbled at His teaching and many no longer followed Him (Jn 6:61,66). Oh, their loss! Yes, on our Christian walk we see many pillars of salt on the road, those who have fallen by the wayside. The nameless woman turned back to look at Sodom and Gomorrah, Israelites to look at Egypt, and the disciples to their old easy doctrine. Instead of looking at what they were gaining they were looking at what they were losing. Salt indeed! But useless salt, nam-ke-vas (nominal) believers, useful only to serve as warning symbols (Ex 16:8).
Lustful Words
Father’s commands and mother’s teaching keep you “from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife” (Prov 6:24). “Lusty stallions. Each neighing for another man’s wife” (Jer 5:8). Men and women have their own way of conveying their lustful intentions to the opposite sex. What may appear to be a jovial, harmless chatter may snowball into a lustful talk ending in adultery. Neighing, talking loudly or giggling to make one’s presence known, sharing sex problems with the opposite sex, crude jokes, sharing fantasies and dreams all pave the road to a greater crime. Nip it in the bud. Make a covenant with your lips, tongue and throat. Your conscience will tell you the compound wall between what you can speak to your spouse and what to the one who is not your spouse (SS 4:12). Never dare cross the boundary. “Whoever breaks through a wall will be bitten by a snake” (Eccl 10:8). Many have received the fatal sting. Few escape the consequences. Therefore don’t even go near the wall.
Tongue Training Programme
Someone said, “How nice it will be if, as we grow old, the tongue falls out instead of the teeth !” It will be still better to have a trained tongue. Teach and train your children to control their tongue. Tongue is a difficult organ. It defies discipline. But if we throw ourselves heart and soul into the effort, then we won't be back to square one.
Sins of the tongue cannot be licked away with a New Year decision. It needs a battery of different therapies. First of all, develop a strong mind. A mind that is stronger than the body can control the body. So never sink back into your old pessimism. If you believe you can do it, you will do it. Secondly, to break bad habits that are beyond our power we need to seek the help of our dear and near ones. Tell your spouse, children, parents or a friend to shake you up whenever you fail. Then redouble your efforts. Stick some reminder notes on the mirror, worktable or stove, to be reminded every morning. Devise your own ways to rectify your specific failures. Note down your failures in your diary and confess them to God. Make it a point of serious prayer.
To remove a mountain you must start carrying away small stones. The mountain will look just the same. But it will start dissolving in course of time. So start at it and keep at it. Then, when we stand at the terminus of our life, we will turn back and rejoice to see the scum we have left behind before witnessing the dawn of Eternity!
Anger is just one letter short of danger. When confronted for anger, excuses roll off our tongue so easily. But we should realise that anger is a flagrant violation of the moral code and God's penalties are stiff. “Outbursts of wrath... those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Gal 5:20,21). Anger has destroyed individuals, disintegrated families, divided churches and devastated countries. A study of this emotion will help us properly channelise it.
Anger at Home
Home, a haven of peace, is often plagued by fury. The first outburst of anger we read in the Bible is that of Cain. God did not respect Cain’s offering and so he was very angry. God immediately gave him a wise counsel to quell his anger: “If you do well, will you not be accepted?” (Gen 4:3-8). The reason for anger between brothers and sisters is jealousy which leads to fights and may culminate in homicide. Sure, where there is a sibling, there is always quibbling. But think of God’s counsel.
Instead of a cutthroat competition with your own brothers and sisters, if you channelise your energy in what you can do well, will not God accept your work and bless it?
Jesus said, anyone who is so much as angry with his brother or sister is guilty of murder. If you carelessly call your brother an idiot you may be hauled into court. If you thoughlessly yell ‘stupid’ at your sister, you are on the brink of hell-fire (Mt 5:22). Do you believe this, young people ? Do you treat your siblings fairly with love or do you make them complain to God like the Shulamite, “My mother’s sons were angry with me?” (SS 1:6). Even after marriage brothers and sisters, brothers-inlaw and sisters-in-law should be bound by the law of love, helping and upholding one another.
Believers who are brothers and sisters of Christ should not let out their exhaust fumes in jealous competition. Instead if each can quietly manifest their God-given gifts, God will bless and accept their offering as a sweet-smelling sacrifice.
We also read of squabbles between fathers and sons in the Bible. “Then Saul’s anger was aroused against Jonathan” (1 Sam 20:30-34). The reason for his highly charged language was his son’s friendship with his rival, David. How often we parents fail to look at our children’s friends in the right perspective! But look at Jonathan’s reaction to his father’s barbaric anger. “Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger” and went away. He did the right thing. Anger is almost an involuntary reaction; but the outcome is in our hands. A wrong reaction is as bad as a wrong action. Jonathan just got up and walked away to defuse his anger. The next morning he was wiser. We all can do that when our anger becomes too much to cork. We can go for a walk and cool down. The greatest remedy for anger is delay. Someone counselled, “When angry, count 10 before speaking; when very angry, count 100 and then don’t speak.” You’ll then have the reins of your anger in your hands. Then you don’t have to regret the words spoken. A word not spoken may be the choicest word of all!
And there are angry spouses. Jacob was one such who was angry with his wife and father-in-law (Gen 30:2; 31:36). In contrast, his father Isaac was a gentleman who prayed for his wife and voluntarily let go off his wells. A wife who is shorttempered and fights for everything drives away the man of the house (Prov 21:19). Both husband and wife need to apply brakes on their anger for the smooth functioning of the family.
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, 8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
Hold Your Tongue!
Don’t gossip; don’t listen to gossip; don’t read gossip. It is enough to know Charles and Diana have broken up. It is not necessary to pour over all information that you can lay your hands on.
Criticism
It is to judge with severity, or to find fault with. Is your criticism an injection to heal or a punch in the gut? Is it a constructive suggestion or a deflating insult? There are some who inspite of a near-perfect work will let their eyes rove to find a flaw. Away with such an attitude. Silence your inner critic.
There were so many things about Jesus that the Pharisees could have appreciated. Instead it was a barrage of criticism—about His eating, drinking, ministry, just about everything. When you are filled with a spirit of criticism you become blind to the sweetness of the person. The jackfruit is covered with thorns, sugarcane is not a straight line, coconut is a hard nut to crack, yet they all are sweet inside. So are people. Faults are thin where love is thick.
It is the Lord who judges. Therefore judge nothing before time. Wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise or punishment from God (1 Cor 4:5; Rom 14:10-13). Every person must feel he or she is worth something. Take care not to demolish that worth.
Foul Words
Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth (Eph 4:29). Even Spirit-filled believers pour out filth from their mouth when they let out their exhaust fumes, especially at home, causing immense unpleasantness. Imagine your spouse or child speaking the same to you. Can you tolerate it? Paul advises the Colossians to make sure it was all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk (Col 3:7,8). Is your rudder steering you to heaven or hell? (Js 3:1-12). You praise in the church and profane at home. Your children will carry it on to their new homes to shock their spouses and their families. So stop it. Tell your spouse to bring a live coal to burn your lips whenever you open the floodgate. That will cure you soon. It is better to go to heaven with burnt lips than to hell with beautiful lips. ‘Fool’ and ‘stupid’ have become such common words that even children use them to address parents. It should be strictly dealt with and not winked at.
Idle Talk
It is useless, pointless talk wasting away time. Without gossipping, backbiting or foul words one can go on talking purposelessly. This does not mean funtime or family time. Happy moments are essential for life. But idle words do not profit the talker or the listeners.
If we don’t keep ourselves busy, we will give ourselves to empty talk, giving critics (of Christianity) foothold for finding fault (1 Tim 5:13,14). Jesus said that every careless word we spoke would come back and haunt us. There would be a time of reckoning, He said. Words are dynamite. Handle with care! Words can be our salvation. Words can also be our damnation (Mt 12:33-37).
Provoking
It means to incite to anger or resentment; to rouse. I call it frontbiting. Parents can provoke their children by poking fun at them or nagging (Eph 6:4). Children can deliberately provoke their parents by their words. Husband and wife verbally assault each other by sarcastic words and caustic remarks. It is not an angry explosion, rather a subtle remark, softly spoken that goes deep like an arrow. Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law use it as a tool to make each other miserable. Even in prayer one can provoke the other cunningly. Sometimes the remark is so clever that no one but the target will understand what that innocentsounding statement meant. If confronted, they will defend themselves saying that they said it in a good sense only. You can’t catch these slippery fish or their slippery words. “Hannah’s rival also provoked her severely, because the Lord had closed her womb” (1 Sam 1:6). Are you provoking someone because of their weakness? Never forget that the Lord turns tables (1 Sam 2:4-8).
Murmuring
Grumblers are hard-to-satisfy people. They always look for something more, something better. Why didn’t God provide water for the Israelites till they thirsted and fainted in the wilderness? I suppose He was testing them to the utmost. If they had gone on with the thirst trusting God, would He have let them die of thirst? He would have performed miracle after miracle to prove His might. Can we hold on without murmuring, complaining? Let your patience be elastic. Praise God for “everything” (1Cor 10:10; Jude 16).
The disciples of Jesus grumbled at His teaching and many no longer followed Him (Jn 6:61,66). Oh, their loss! Yes, on our Christian walk we see many pillars of salt on the road, those who have fallen by the wayside. The nameless woman turned back to look at Sodom and Gomorrah, Israelites to look at Egypt, and the disciples to their old easy doctrine. Instead of looking at what they were gaining they were looking at what they were losing. Salt indeed! But useless salt, nam-ke-vas (nominal) believers, useful only to serve as warning symbols (Ex 16:8).
Lustful Words
Father’s commands and mother’s teaching keep you “from the smooth tongue of the wayward wife” (Prov 6:24). “Lusty stallions. Each neighing for another man’s wife” (Jer 5:8). Men and women have their own way of conveying their lustful intentions to the opposite sex. What may appear to be a jovial, harmless chatter may snowball into a lustful talk ending in adultery. Neighing, talking loudly or giggling to make one’s presence known, sharing sex problems with the opposite sex, crude jokes, sharing fantasies and dreams all pave the road to a greater crime. Nip it in the bud. Make a covenant with your lips, tongue and throat. Your conscience will tell you the compound wall between what you can speak to your spouse and what to the one who is not your spouse (SS 4:12). Never dare cross the boundary. “Whoever breaks through a wall will be bitten by a snake” (Eccl 10:8). Many have received the fatal sting. Few escape the consequences. Therefore don’t even go near the wall.
Tongue Training Programme
Someone said, “How nice it will be if, as we grow old, the tongue falls out instead of the teeth !” It will be still better to have a trained tongue. Teach and train your children to control their tongue. Tongue is a difficult organ. It defies discipline. But if we throw ourselves heart and soul into the effort, then we won't be back to square one.
Sins of the tongue cannot be licked away with a New Year decision. It needs a battery of different therapies. First of all, develop a strong mind. A mind that is stronger than the body can control the body. So never sink back into your old pessimism. If you believe you can do it, you will do it. Secondly, to break bad habits that are beyond our power we need to seek the help of our dear and near ones. Tell your spouse, children, parents or a friend to shake you up whenever you fail. Then redouble your efforts. Stick some reminder notes on the mirror, worktable or stove, to be reminded every morning. Devise your own ways to rectify your specific failures. Note down your failures in your diary and confess them to God. Make it a point of serious prayer.
To remove a mountain you must start carrying away small stones. The mountain will look just the same. But it will start dissolving in course of time. So start at it and keep at it. Then, when we stand at the terminus of our life, we will turn back and rejoice to see the scum we have left behind before witnessing the dawn of Eternity!
Anger is just one letter short of danger. When confronted for anger, excuses roll off our tongue so easily. But we should realise that anger is a flagrant violation of the moral code and God's penalties are stiff. “Outbursts of wrath... those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Gal 5:20,21). Anger has destroyed individuals, disintegrated families, divided churches and devastated countries. A study of this emotion will help us properly channelise it.
Anger at Home
Home, a haven of peace, is often plagued by fury. The first outburst of anger we read in the Bible is that of Cain. God did not respect Cain’s offering and so he was very angry. God immediately gave him a wise counsel to quell his anger: “If you do well, will you not be accepted?” (Gen 4:3-8). The reason for anger between brothers and sisters is jealousy which leads to fights and may culminate in homicide. Sure, where there is a sibling, there is always quibbling. But think of God’s counsel.
Instead of a cutthroat competition with your own brothers and sisters, if you channelise your energy in what you can do well, will not God accept your work and bless it?
Jesus said, anyone who is so much as angry with his brother or sister is guilty of murder. If you carelessly call your brother an idiot you may be hauled into court. If you thoughlessly yell ‘stupid’ at your sister, you are on the brink of hell-fire (Mt 5:22). Do you believe this, young people ? Do you treat your siblings fairly with love or do you make them complain to God like the Shulamite, “My mother’s sons were angry with me?” (SS 1:6). Even after marriage brothers and sisters, brothers-inlaw and sisters-in-law should be bound by the law of love, helping and upholding one another.
Believers who are brothers and sisters of Christ should not let out their exhaust fumes in jealous competition. Instead if each can quietly manifest their God-given gifts, God will bless and accept their offering as a sweet-smelling sacrifice.
We also read of squabbles between fathers and sons in the Bible. “Then Saul’s anger was aroused against Jonathan” (1 Sam 20:30-34). The reason for his highly charged language was his son’s friendship with his rival, David. How often we parents fail to look at our children’s friends in the right perspective! But look at Jonathan’s reaction to his father’s barbaric anger. “Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger” and went away. He did the right thing. Anger is almost an involuntary reaction; but the outcome is in our hands. A wrong reaction is as bad as a wrong action. Jonathan just got up and walked away to defuse his anger. The next morning he was wiser. We all can do that when our anger becomes too much to cork. We can go for a walk and cool down. The greatest remedy for anger is delay. Someone counselled, “When angry, count 10 before speaking; when very angry, count 100 and then don’t speak.” You’ll then have the reins of your anger in your hands. Then you don’t have to regret the words spoken. A word not spoken may be the choicest word of all!
And there are angry spouses. Jacob was one such who was angry with his wife and father-in-law (Gen 30:2; 31:36). In contrast, his father Isaac was a gentleman who prayed for his wife and voluntarily let go off his wells. A wife who is shorttempered and fights for everything drives away the man of the house (Prov 21:19). Both husband and wife need to apply brakes on their anger for the smooth functioning of the family.
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, Mob:8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
