Be a Jolly Good Fellow!

Mr. X saw Mr. Y going in a motor bike. Both worked in the same office in the same grade. So Mr. X was offended at the other’s prosperity. He started moving off from Mr. Y. If he had just touched the bike and given a word of commendation they would be chums today.

Mrs. A’s precious son plucked off Mrs. B’s precious rose. Mrs. A defended her position not knowing what else to do. Mrs. B bristled like a porcupine. Mrs. A didn’t know that a word of apology would have healed the wound or did her pride hold her back?

Mrs. Brigida would peep in Mrs. Lovina’s kitchen and ask  for a piece of ginger. Shortly she would return for a few green chillies. Mrs. Brigida would untiringly hand over  anything  asked  for with  a big  smile.  But  in her heart  she  was tired  of her neighbour and started avoiding her like plague.

Such trivial incidents are too numerous to quote. Here are ten building blocks for good relationships.

1. Greet Unreservedly!

Even good neighbours fail to greet each other. An unreserved smile is the best greeting, be it friends or strangers you would like to get to know. Don’t lock up a smile in your mouth. Smile freely. Say hello or good day and add a few words of enquiry.  Even    within  the  family,  greeting  one  another  is  a  must  to  cement  the members. Don’t demand a cup of coffee without first wishing good morning with a pleasant face. If someone is walking off without noticing you, don’t mumble, “good riddance.” Clap your hands and wave out. Approach the new neighbours with a smile and enquire and their suspicious wrinkles in the face would smoothen out and their shut hearts open up. Learn from Mary how to greet. The hearer must be filled with the Holy Spirit and the life within her must leap! Such sincere, holy and hot greeting (Lk 1:41).

2. Thank Profusely!

“In the last days men shall be unthankful” (2 Tim 3:2). You may say you were thankful in your heart. But people cannot see your feelings. Express your gratitude openly.  Explain  how  their  help  helped  you.  “Oh  the meal  you  sent!  I  rested  all afternoon and my backache is gone!” or “But for you I would not be in this position

today.” Thank even for small helps. And for greater helps, remind your benefactor of the help they gave, just to let them know that you still remember it with gratitude. Paying for help doesn’t mean you don’t need to thank. Thank when you get down from the auto. Thank the shopkeeper when he hands over your purchase. If Jesus could be disappointed at 10% thankfulness none of us is more angelic than Him! (Lk 17:16,17).

3. Apologise Freely!

The first step in apology is to admit your fault. Mishap is everyone’s lot. Let not pride or fear stand your way. Do not hesitate to take up the responsibility of your mistake.  Gird  yourself to face the consequences  and meet the offended.  Open the conversation with a note of apology. Let the offended know how sorry you feel about it. Even if he reacts violently try your best to pacify him. Try to make good the loss incurred It may be your own child, your subordinate, your boss or a stranger on whose toes you stepped. Never hesitate. Even if you have every luck to hide yourself, come out of the shadows to acknowledge and apologise. Then, not only others, you yourself will be able to respect yourself. Jacob cheated Esau. But the way he apologised, Oh, even the hardest heart would melt (Gen 32,33). See what the man who vowed to murder his brother did. “And Esau ran to meet him, and fell on his neck, and kissed him and they wept.” Jacob wept for his cheating and Esau for his revengeful attitude. That is true repentance and apology. Once we blamed  a couple for stealing a big amount. After a week it was clear that they were not the culprits. We were tempted to keep quiet or send them a word of apology. But we decided to go through the painful discipline of humility. The moment we started to apologise large drops of tears started rolling down their cheeks. We felt their pain. Beautifully the fellowship was restored.

4. Appreciate Aptly!

You don’t need to flatter. Truthfully appreciate the other person .. his appearance, dress, performance, talents, gifts, possession, etc. What does this convey to him? By a few words of commendation you tell him you are not at all jealous of him and you desire his well-being. Paul lost a good companion because he saw only the negative aspects of John Mark. But it needed a Barnabas to see something positive about him. When Paul matured and learned to appreciate he commends Mark (2 Tim 4:11). But the credit of salvaging a future minister goes to Barnabas. Appreciation is tonic for children and spouses. Give it three times a day before meals. The Bible feels a man must be commended aptly (Prov 12:8). The mind grows by taking in, but the heart grows by giving out.

5. Help Habitually!

The very thought makes us feel a pinch in our purse. Help need not always be monetary. If you want to know more about helping, ask Job and he will teach you (Job

31). If you are struggling to repair a broken relationship, be on the look out to give a helping hand naturally. For a time your enemy friend is certain to misunderstand your motive. He/she may not even accept it. But let that not dishearten you. A subtle enemy of a helping spirit is to expect help in return. Never do that. Let people learn to help

you from what they learn from your attitude without a hint. Helping people will not guarantee that they respond positively. You can count on about one in ten, but the one makes up for the others. You may have to face some ungrateful remarks also. That should not dampen your spirit. Over the years one verse has helped me very much to continue to do good: “Trust in the Lord and do good!” If you trust in the helped, your helping spirit may soon flicker and die.

6. Accept Unconditionally!

Psychologists speak of four basic temperaments. Let’s not worry about it. Suffice is to know each person is different physically, mentally, spiritually and temperamentally. It is very difficult to adjust to another person unless you give a generous allowance to his  temperament.  Remove  “if”  from  your  vocabulary  as  far  as  relationship  is concerned. “If he is not so sensitive,” “If he is not so dumb,” “If he were not so talkative,” “If..if..if.” There is no end to the list. But turn the if inward and say, “If I am  not  so  sensitive...if..if..if.”  There  you  are,  a  person  easy  to  live  with.  Let, “Whoever-comes-to-Me-I-will-never-cast-out” be our spirit! Give a good allowance to the younger. You would have acted much the same way when you were his age.

7. Listen Intently!

How often do your wits go woolgathering while someone is talking to you? Let him who has ears, listen! How often we fail to use our ears! The world is in need of listeners. Parents who wail, “Our child never listens to us,” try listening . What is listening? It is giving undivided attention to the person. Do you do that? Or do you listen, newspaper in one hand or eyes on TV screen or feet shuffling away? Listen with eyes focussed on the person, with facial or verbal expressions. Listening relieves more than half the pain of sufferers.  It gives enthusiasm  to a cheerful  talker  and encourages a feeble, fearful person.

8. Borrow Rarely!

The Bible says, “The borrower is a servant to the lender” (Prov 22:7). Even thick friends may become master and servant because of a small deal. If at all it is possible for you to manage without borrowing, do manage. The lender may give cheerfully, willingly, helpfully. But he will carry a fear or a grudge in his heart involuntarily. If circumstances forced you to borrow, clear the debt at the earliest possible moment. “Owe no man anything” (Rom 13:8).

9. Criticise Minimally!

Criticism, even when enclosed in a blanket of love still stings. People have enough hurt in this world. Spare them. Avoid criticism at any cost. If it needs to be said, let it take some other form with an introduction of love and a conclusion of apology to minimise the unavoidable pain. Think of the adulteress thrown before Jesus for judgement. What years of public criticism could not do forgiveness did. An useful aid would be to stop and think, how you would have yourself to be dealt with in   a situation worthy of criticism. Do thou likewise! We were backbiting about a lady who always spoke at the top of her lungs. After a year we came to know that her husband was hard of hearing. Oh, how sorry we felt for our critical attitude.