Manners Please!

A person without good manners is like a handsome  gentleman  without teeth or a beautiful bald woman. You get grilled by a non-stop talker in a party and wish you hadn’t  come at all. You forget all the niceties  and remember  only the ill-mannered people. Unfortunately we have our ill manners too, which leave us feeling rotten in the aftermath. One cannot grow “in favour with men” as Jesus, without pleasing manners. So it is good to be aware of some basic manners. The one thing to remember is, if we are gentle and genial, some of our ill manners will be winked at. But our popularity graph will rise as we learn good manners and shed bad ones.

Personal habits

A very shy person lacks self-confidence and cannot relate to others freely. Learn to look into the person’s eyes and talk boldly. Have a daily bath and change into fresh clothes. Anybody is half ready to like a well-dressed  person. A close shave is a daily must for men. Scratching of scalp and hair dotted with nits are unseemly sights. Dirty long  finger  nails  and  fingers  stained  with  ink  are  eye  sores.  What  opinion  do  you develop about a person who uses his fingers to blow his nose and wipe it on posts and pillars? Use a hanky. Avoid picking your nose, teeth or ear in company.  Cover your mouth with the hanky if you can’t stifle a yawn, sneeze or cough. Especially now-a-days you never know who’s turning the video camera at you!

Mind your posture when you walk, sit or stand. Let your backbone be straight. It is not nice to see someone sit with knees spread far apart or stand like a rag-doll. But be relaxed. Do not be self-conscious wearing an artificial smile or accent. Be natural. Overdoing one’s make-up gives an awry appearance. When you go out of the house you must be fresh as a bride or a groom. Practice politeness every day until it becomes your second nature.

Home

Sometimes  the  most  good-mannered  people  outside  the  home  are  the  most  ill- mannered  inside.  A  true  gentleman  or  lady  ought  to  be  good-mannered  at  home whether guests are present or not. Making up the bed as the first thing in the morning makes you feel good the whole day. Try it tomorrow. After morning ablutions comb you hair instead of going about like a witch. Remove the hairs from the comb, wind them around a finger  and throw it in the waste  paper  basket.  Then go about your other duties. The toilet should be flushed clean and any stain removed.  Never, never send your children out to the street to pass urine or motion.

The wet towel should not be left in a lump on the bathroom floor but spread neatly on the string to dry. Dirty clothes should find their right place. If you clear your nose or throat on the bathroon floor or washbasin, see that it is washed off before you leave the bathroom. If there is only one bathroom, be considerate to others.

A good principle to remember is to treat family members like guests and guests like family members.  Arguments are unavoidable.  But they should not cross the limits of

decency.  Treating  the wife and children  as property rather than human beings with feelings,   is   cruel.   Similarly   the   wife   and   children   who   are   unsubmissive   and disrespectful to the head of the home are repulsive. Learn to use ‘sorry,’ ‘please,’ and

‘thank you’ liberally and unashamedly.

Every person’s privacy must be respected. Knock before you enter somebody’s room and wait till you are invited to go in. It is not right to peep through open doors and windows or overhear conversations. Opening another person’s mail or reading a diary is an unconscionable  violation of trust and privacy. Keep your curiosity under check. Without permission do not use another’s personal items. Children should be trained to respond, ‘Yes dad’ or ‘Yes mom’ instead of shouting ‘ah’ when a parent calls. They should also be taught to adjust instead of whining and complaining.

It is not proper to crack rude jokes at one another. It is unfair for children to throw things around the house as they please and expect mother to clean up the mess. They should learn to take care of themselves as they grow up, including washing their clothes, cleaning the house and even some cooking; or else they become a nuisance.

Meeting people

When you are introduced to someone, say, “Hello, how do you do?” You can greet by a namaskar  which  is understood  and appreciated  in most parts of India.  If you are sitting you are supposed to get up and greet someone while being introduced. When you meet someone, it is polite to introduce the one who is with you.

Conversation

Be at ease. Modulate your voice. Avoid being snobbish and domineering. Let others talk too. If the other is a shy person, encourage his participation by asking a question or asking  for his opinion.  Listen with expression  and respond.  It is ungracious  to snub anyone or brag. If you have offended someone by your thoughtless words, don’t hesitate to apologise sincerely. Even disagreement can be done without offense. The I-know-it- already attitude is like a dash of cold water on the face of a friend. Avoid a drawing

‘unhh’ between sentences.

Criticism dampens conversation. “Sandwich every bit of criticism between  two layer of praise,” says Mary Kay. Foul words should be erased out of our dictionary. Fights and violent exchange of words are uncouth and it is sad to find even Christians irate. Learn self-control. Lifting up a hand in a gesture to beat, spitting when emotions run high and brick batting are mulish. Children must be trained not to scream but to talk politely  to any one,  rich or poor.  Boys and girls  should  learn friendly  conversation without coyness.

When  there  is someone  who  does  not understand  the  language,  switch  over  to  a common language, or when that is not possible, his neighbour must brief him on what’s going on. Whispering  in company  is annoying.  If you have to get up and go from a group  or  interrupt  a  conversation  excuse  yourself  as  also  walking  between  two conversing people. You are not supposed to join a conversation unless invited. But use your commonsense. Getting upset for silly reasons is silly. It upsets everyone. Overcome

it with the grace of God. But do not bring up touchy subjects, and avoid embarrassing anyone, children our adults. Make others feel good about themselves.

Meals

It  is important  to  learn  table  manners.  Wait  till  the  table  is  set.  Instead  of  idly waiting you can give a helping hand. It is time we change the age-old custom of the wife waiting on the husband and then eating the leftovers. Meal time should be considered as family time. In this business-like world, at least supper should be a time of all the family members coming together. Wait for grace to be said. Only then start eating. Keep the conversation  pleasant and light. Do not criticise the food while eating. Look for what others may need and pass on the dishes. Only after food is served for everyone do we start  eating.  You  will  discredit  your  manners  by  talking  with  food  in  the  mouth, munching loudly and eating too fast in large mouthfuls. Some have the habit of leaving the curry leaves, bones, etc., on the table or floor. It is better to ask for a small dish or leave them in the corner of the plate. Washing the hand in the plate is a lazy habit.

Visiting

Meal-time visitors are the most unwanted. It is best to visit people by prior appointment. If you casually go visiting and find the family watching an important TV programme  or entertaining  other guests or the children studying, then leave with an apology. Do not linger on in spite of their hints. If you go with a specific mission, don’t beat about the bush. Finishing  your mission and leaving  immediately  leaves the host grateful  and  relieved.  When  someone  visits  you,  put  off  the  TV.  People  are  more important than programmes.

When you are invited for a tea or meal, go in time. When a drink is offered, it is better to be frank than to say, ‘No’ and then keep cursing your host for taking you at your word! When you have guests, don’t force drinks or food on them. It is a mistaken idea  of  hospitality.   Don’t  lose  all  self-control   on  seeing  a  mouth-watering   dish. Appreciate  the  host.  Avoid  criticizing  their  children  and  keep  your  children  under control. It is appropriate to take a gift, but it is not a must. An offer to help the hostess to wash the dishes  and clean up the kitchen is good.  But all do not like the others meddling in their kitchen. So decide intelligently.

Adjustability and adaptability are two great virtues when you stay with someone. Be pliable to their timings and customs. All may not like their soaps and towels being used. Carry all personal items. Get the host’s permission before you use their telephone. Help around the house in whatever way you can.

Telephone Conversation

When you give a call, say, “Hello, I am ..... speaking,” in a seraphic voice. Then ask for whoever you want. When you receive a call, say, “Hello, this is Blessing office” (or whatever)  with a smile in your voice and wait. When you hear from the caller, don’t ask, “Who are you?” “May I know who’s speaking?”  or “May I help you?” is more polite. Hanging on to the telephone endlessly is a headache to those who have to listen to the chatter and giggles. Speak softly. End with goodbye.