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Women Who Win

 Why not Wait?


It was a whirlwind romance - all moon-beams and star dust; until one day in a moment  of  madness,  they  succumbed  to  each  other’s  charms.  That  was  the  last cruise  of  their  love  boat.  The  world  seemed  to  crash  around  her  when  she  found herself  pregnant and  he, refusing to  accept responsibility.  The  only way out was abortion,  he  said.  There  were  endless  recriminations  and  bitterness  with  the inevitable split. She decided to have the baby against all odds; but he walked out of her life, forever, scot free. She had to carry the stamp of ‘unwed mother’ because of that one unguarded  moment;  but was he not an unwed  father  too? What  a tragic end to a story that had the markings of a fairy tale!




It is time  for young  people  to sit up and ponder  the question  of premarital  sex (PMS). Take this story  for example.  Some  may condemn  the boy for his cowardice. Some  may  call  the  girl  foolish  for  not  considering  abortion.  But  these  are  all peripheral  issues.  The  central  issue  is  something  else.  They  had  violated  a basic moral  and  ethical  code,  that  sexual  expression  is the  privilege  of  the  married.  If they had waited a little longer...!


Until  some  years  ago  premarital  sex  was  outrightly  condemned  as  sin  and anyone who had sex before marriage was looked down upon. Therefore  there was a fear in the hearts of youth.  Even if they secretly committed  the sin they felt guilty. But  days  are  fast  changing.  Young  people  study  together,  play  together  and  even stay together.  PMS is becoming  more  and  more  common.  The fear and  the shame are going away. Soon the guilt will also be off and young people will be asking why they should wait.




God created  sex. He created  man as male and female and made them attractive to  each  other,  for  pleasure  and  procreation.  Since  it  was  created  by  God,  sex cannot  be sin. But any gift of God can be misused.  Eating is not sin. But gluttony is. Much the same way God has attached responsibility  to sex.




Science  has made  it easier  for the unmarried  to indulge  in sex without  the fear off  pregnancy.  The  pill  and  the  condom  have  taken  the  weight  off  the  pressure cooker. More and more youth seem to think that the responsibility part of it can be hacked  off  and  the  pleasure  enjoyed,  now  that  pregnancy  can  be  avoided.  Just because conception  can be avoided, PMS does not become a cleaner act.


If you are relying  on family  planning  measures  to  avoid  pregnancy,  you are  on very  shaky  ground.  They  are  not  fool-proof.  They  can  fail  anytime.  Neither  is abortion  a  solution.  It  has  its  own  dangers  and  can  even  cost  you  your  life. Abortion is murder.




Youth should be aware of the dangers of venereal diseases (VD) which even the condom    cannot    always    prevent.    These    are    sexually    transmitted    diseases manifesting by way of white discharge, ulcers in the genitalia, blood in the urine, difficulty  in passing  urine,  swelling  of the lymph  glands in the loin,  fever, malaise and  other  symptoms.  Some  diseases  like  syphilis  can  affect  the  heart,  brain  and the  whole  body.  Some  remain  symptomless  and  dormant  for  a  variable  period  of time.  You would  have  read  or  seen about the  dangers  of  AIDS.  Youth who  have casual  sex and discover  any of these  symptoms  feel trapped.  They are ashamed  to go  to  anyone  for  help.  The  danger  of  some  of  the  diseases  is  that  they  heal outwardly  without  treatment  but  continue  to spread  inwardly,  giving  a false  hope that  all  is fine.  Such  a  person  will  look  healthy  but  be  transmitting  the  disease. There is no cure for some of these diseases.




Youthhood is such  an  innocent period  that you  tend  to  trust  the  person  who makes advances  to you. Especially  if your home offers no love, you tend to fall into the  open  arms  of  the  first  lover  who  comes  your  way.  Then  one day  you  face  the hard choice: “If you love me, come to bed with me.” If you refuse, he may leave you. You are made to believe he will marry you and make you his queen. But this is an emotional  tactic.  Deflowering  innocent  virgins  is  a  game  for  some  boys.  Every conquest they make is another feather to their already loaded caps. But how soul- destroying  it is to the girl when she discovers  that  he was simply  having  fun with her. Worse still to know that she was one of his many victims. Remember,  virginity once lost is forever lost. You cannot get it back.


Why only playboys?  There  are too many  playgirls  who  will sell their  souls  for a sex trip. Boys should keep away from such wide-mouthed  bimbos.


So always be on guard, and never let anyone catch you with your defences down. It will cause you eternal  remorse  and regret.  Would  you like to have the looks of a man without regrets or would you walk the long corridor of shame?


Pandora’s Box


Pandora’s parents left a box at home and left warning her not to open it. But her curiosity  got  the  better  of  her.  She  was  stung by  the  bees.  Parents protect  you. Others warn you. But one day out of curiosity when you fall for it, the bees of VD, remorse, guilt, unwanted  pregnancy,  shame, fear, etc., sting you and you wish (too late!) you hadn’t opened the box. Wait till the day of marriage and you’ll find honey inside.




There seems to be always a group around you to push you into premature  sex - friends who want to watch the fun, who would call you a chicken if you don’t entice a girl  or boy.  Who  is chicken?  The one who  does the  easier  thing  or the  one  who stands  the  tempest  of  temptations?  They  won’t  dare  call  you  so,  ten  years  later, when you are decently married! Keep away from such chicken friends.




There are older girls who would take ‘little’ girls by the arms and introduce them to  boys.  Some  think  they  are  doing  an  angel’s  job  by  carrying  letters  back  and


forth.  There  are fashionable  ladies who promise  ‘jobs’ for college  girls on the other side of the country! Beware, teens and even preteens!


God’s Feeling


It  is  good  to  know  what  God  feels  about  PMS.  The  Bible  calls  it  fornication. Fornication  is  sexual  immorality  where  at  least  one  partner  is  unmarried.  The command is straightforward. “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality  sins against his own body” (1

Cor 6:18). “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators  and adulterers

God will judge” (Heb 13:4). “Fornicators...shall  not inherit  the  Kingdom  of  God”  (1  Cor





Many young people feel it is impossible  to wait till marriage to have sex. It is a lie of the devil.  Jacob  loved  Rachel.  They  lived  closeby.  Both  were  shepherding.  They had  every opportunity  to  have  sex.  But  they waited  seven  years  to  consummate their  love  (Gen  29:20,21).  Joseph  of  Bible  fame  withstood  the  advances  of  an amorous  woman.  She  was  his  employer’s  wife  who  tried  to  woo  him  with  her sensuality.  But Joseph  did not agree  to be with her and ran out when  she  pulled him  (39:1-12).  Joseph,  the  foster  father  of  Jesus  is an  adorable example  of  self- control (Mt 1:18-25).  He had Mary with him, but abstained  from sex till Jesus was born.  Are  these men chicken and  sissies? They are the true  manly men!  A  sissy buckles under pressure.  A man stands for his convictions.  The model lives of many youth and couples  today,  like lotuses  on a dirty pond, is proof enough  that a pure life is still possible.


God does not give us impossible  commands.  Along with his commands  He gives us grace to keep them. If we help ourselves, He helps us.




PMS  is a common  temptation  which  presents  itself  to every  young  person.  But God  will never  allow  us to  be tempted  beyond  our ability.  Any  temptation  has an “IN” door and an “OUT” door (1 Cor 10:13).  Best is to avoid the entrance.  But if by chance you find yourself ‘in,’ then look for the “Emergency  Exit.”


Paul offers a simple and easy solution to escape PMS. Get married! If you are old enough  and  you can  take  care  of a wife  and  children,  if you have  decided  on the person and fear you may commit sin, then get married (1 Cor 7:2). When this is not possible, you need to think of other ways of escape.


By systematic  reading of the Bible and regular praying, your mind learns to hate PMS  and  to  avoid  it. You  learn  to  cooperate  with  God.  Tackle  one  day  at  a time. God’s grace is new every morning.


Have  a  goal  in life.  Find  a  worthy  cause  to  live.  Channelize  your  thinking  and energy  in  that  direction.  That  will  keep  you  from  the  pitfall  of living  in  a fantasy world. Too much of fantasizing  may push you off the edge.


Nowadays  there is no shortage  for films,  filmsongs,  video cassettes,  novels,  etc., which are full of filth and obscenities.  Avoid these. They are at your doorstep.  Kick them away. Avoid friends who enjoy talking and seeing filth. They will stir up the passions in you that one day may become too much to bottle up.


Decide  today  to  say  ‘No’  to  PMS.  Sooner  or  later  you  are  going  to  face  the temptation.  You  may  be  too  hot at  that  moment  to  think  and  decide.  So  prepare your answer today and be ready with it.


Don’t  develop  intimate  relationships  with  the  opposite  sex  and  never  be  alone with  one.  A  boy  and  a  girl  alone  are  like  gunpowder  and  fire.  Don’t  go  to  the closeness   of producing  a spark. It may end up in an explosion that will wreck your life.  Avoid  physical  intimacy.  In  spite  of  all the  warnings,  often  youth  end  up  in defeat  and   mess  up   their  lives  because   they   give   too  much  weight   to   their selfcontrol.  Don’t trust yourself so much.


The fear that your lover may ditch you should never melt your heart for his pleas for sex. If for that reason he leaves you, congratulate  yourself on a lucky escape. He is not worthy   to be your partner for a lifetime.  Further, how sure are you that they have not had sex with another person?


Keep yourself at a respectable distance from married people also. They are not immune   to  temptations.   Boys  have   fallen  in  love   with  wives,   and   girls  with husbands.  It is a futile love leading you nowhere.  You can never be legally married to  a  married  person.  You  will  be  called  a  ‘keep’  or  by  a  still  dirtier  name.  Your children  will be illegitimate.  You cannot  publicly  go out together,  and you face  the fury of the angry spouse.




You  should  understand   that  you  have  the  right  to  refuse  sex.  Do  not  be threatened into a sexual relationship. Be bold enough to inform your parents or a trustworthy person if someone threatens you.


Innocent girls have been raped, sometimes repeatedly by their own relatives or friends, and parents  have failed to understand  their expression  of despair.  If any man, woman, boy or girl makes you uncomfortable, tell your parents openly in a  way they can understand.  They should not think you are fussing. There is no shame in it.


Girls  and  boys  are  forced  to  write  to  someone  at  a  distance  crying  for  help, because parents are not close to their hearts. Nowadays since both the parents are working,  teenagers  are  alone  at  home  and  so  many  things  are  happening.  Be careful  when  you  are  alone  at home  or  tell  your  parents to  leave  you  in  a  safer place.


Girls should guard themselves against rape. Many, who could have escaped, succumbed  because fear paralysed them. Scream and shout if help is near.


Rape victims need not feel guilty. You are not responsible  for what happened  (Dt

22:25-27).  You  were  helpless.  Never  let  a rape  defeat  you.  Rise  above  it and  take charge of your life.


If you have  the courage  and the support  of parents  and friends,  then  go to the law,  as  early  as  possible,  with  evidence.  Many  rapists  and  child-molesters  are  at large injuring more people because they are not taken to task.


Similarly if  someone  had  taken  advantage  of  the  innocence  of  your  childhood and molested  you, it is time you put away the heavy thoughts from your mind. You can never be responsible  for what a paedophile  did. God is not going to punish you for what is not your crime.


There  are  wicked  mothers  who  force  their  daughters  to  prostitute  (Lev  19:29). Such daughters should seek the help of others who care for them.


White aSnow


Finally, if you have already had PMS or still living in it, believe me, it’s never too late to turn around. You are not hopeless.  You have hope, lots of hope. The blood of Jesus Christ  cleanses  you from  “ALL”  sin, if only you feel sorry for what you have done and ask Him to pardon you. “Though  your sins are like scarlet,  they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool,” says the Lord (Isa 1:18). Today you can decide  not to have PMS anymore  and trust   God to keep  up your decision.  With you this is impossible.  But with God’s  help all things are possible.  His grace is sufficient  for you and His strength  shall be made perfect in your  weakness.  Do not discuss  your  decision  with  your sex  partner.  He/she  is sure to convince you that it is not at all wrong. Avoid them.


There are so many good things in this world that you can enjoy. Direct your attention to them. Spend time in the playground.  Enjoy good food. Start reading good, clean and interesting books. Go out camping with healthy friends. The forbidden fruit is not forbidden forever. Wait and you’ll have your reward!

   Address for Correspondence & Contributions:

Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
Tel: +91 9843511943
Email: lilianstanley@gmail.com

Blessing Youth Mission

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