Are you a Fighting Cock?

 

They say hundred men can dwell together but two women cannot. There was constant tug-of-war between Rebekah and her daughters-in-law; Hannah and Peninah; Euodia and Syntyche. What makes us fight? What can we do to live peacefully with others?

First of all we must recognise fighting as a deadly sin. Most of us fight without compunction. “The acts of the flesh are obvious: ... hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambitions, dissensions ... I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the Kingdom of God” (Gal 5:19-21).

“Miriam and Aaron began to talk against Moses because of his Cushite wife, for he had married a Cushite. Has the Lord spoken only through Moses? they asked. Hasn’t he also spoken through us?” (Num 12:1,2). Now, here is a good example of why brothers and sisters fight. Even a child can point out why Miriam fought with her brother. The venomous sin, that is jealousy, had gripped her heart. Moses was the leader. But was she not the one who saved his life? Was she not a co-leader with her brother? (Mi 6:4). Indirectly she accused him of stealing the limelight. We can easily identify the imp of pride and selfish ambtion hiding in the flowing folds of spirituality.

There was also another reason for Miram’s hatred. She was jealous of her sister-in-law. She was possessive of her brother. When Moses, she and Aaron led the people out of Egypt, Moses’ wife was not in the picture. The trio was the star attraction. But suddenly this stranger woman entered the picture. From then on she would share Moses’ tent. Instead of sharing everything with his sister and brother, now Moses would sit and talk and talk with this woman who was not even a Jewess. he would go out with her. Miriam would be only next to his wife. The apartheid spirit exacerbated her sense of loss, and anger oozed out of her finger tips. In close-knit families, marriage amounts to losing a member. The solution is to shower love on the new entry. Then you gain a member instead of losing one.

Are you fighting with your own brother or sister? Your parents may compare you with them and belittle you. They may show partiality. Your brother or sister may be more talented. Or may be now your brother’s attention is more on his wife than on you. Whatever may be the reason, never allow jealousy to well up in your heart. Crush the pride that keeps yelling from within you that you certainly deserve more attention and a higher position than that offered by others as in the case of Miriam. “Pride only breeds quarrels” (Prov 13:10). Miriam was abler and more gifted than Moses’ wife. If she had concentrated on developing and using her prophetic gift and leadership qualities, her’s would have been a glorious end. But she died shortly (Num 20:1). What a sad end of a leader who fell to pride, jealousy, hatred, selfish ambition and quarrel.

Miriam spoke against Moses. “And the Lord heard this.” Beware! The Lord hears every word you speak when you fight. The very next verse says, “Now Moses was a very humble man, more humble than anyone else on the face of the earth” (Num 12:3). But for Moses’ titanic patience a big fight would  have ensued there.

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” (Prov 17:14). When Miriam breached the dam, Moses dropped the matter. But God picked it up and fought for him. Miriam became leprous. Yes, when we stand still, the Lord fights our battles (2 Chron 20:17). Moses’ reaction to this is astounding. He did not tell Aaron and Mirian that the Lord proved his cause. Instead he cried out to the Lord for Miriam’s healing. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God” (Mt 5:9). Whenever your spirit rises up to fight, “Remember what the Lord your God did to Miriam” (Dt 24:9).

Moses did not have a peaceful homelife either. He married Zipporah, the daughter of the priest of Midian. He named his first son as Gershom, saying, “I have become a foreigner in a foreign land” (Ex 2:22). This shows that he continued to feel a stranger in his own home. Joseph also married a Gentile wife, Asenath. But he named his first born Manasseh and said, “It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household” (Gen 41:51). What a contrast!

The wife can make a lot of difference in a man’s life. Why was it that Moses could not become one with his wife? There are a few windows in his life that give us a peep. When God told Moses to go to Egypt he planned a family trip. “Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey and started back to Egypt” (Ex 4:20). But enroute to Egypt, at a lodge, the Lord was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and cast it at Moses’ feet and snarled, “Surely you are a husband of blood to me!” (Ex 4:24,25), If you read between her undignified words, you’ll see the anger in her tone. “A hot tempered person stirs up conflict, but the one who is patient calms a quarrel” (Prov 15:18; 14:29). If Moses had not been patient, her temper would have spurred a quarrel.

It is clear from this incident that Zipporah instantly knew why the Lord tried to kill Moses. Though a Gentile, she knew how to circumcise. How? Whenever Moses talked about circumcising his son she would have fought with him and mocked at the practice. Moses probably gave in, to maintain household peace. But then she had to do it at a crisis. What was the result? She had to go back with the children to her father’s house (Ex 18:2).

“A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord” (Prov 19:13,14). When a wife keeps quarelling for everything, the man begins to wonder if she is from the Lord. Small wonder Moses had little to write about his domineering wife.

“A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand” (Prov 27:15,16). Moses was going to meet his family and friends after 40 years. He was a leader. His wife should not be creating unrestrained noisy scenes in public. But the problem took care of itself and Moses had to take up the tiring task without the companionship of his wife. Many a husband resorts to the “roof corner” life when he realises that he cannot change his quarrelsome wife (Prov 21:9). Lonely though married! If only Zipporah had obeyed her husband in time without arguing!

When Moses was gloriously returning, his father-in-law heard about everything. So he, the woebegone Zipporah and her sons came to him in the desert. Moses received them and kissed his father-in-law and told his father-in-law everything. The natural instinct for a man to hug and kiss his wife and tell her everything had evanesced. He found a better companion in his father-in-law. A fighting woman can kill the husband’s passions for her. And think of the floodtide events she missed! The wonders in Egypt, the plunder of silver and gold that every woman enjoyed, the parting of the red sea, the Marah, mannah and quail miracles, water from the rock and the defeat of Amalekites. She only heard (or overheard) all the news. But she took it calmly and soberly. Probably she had at last learnt, “as churning cream produces butter and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up of anger produces strife” (Prov 30:33). May be that’s why she spoke nothing when Miriam’s hatred erupted against her. “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs” (Prov 10:12).

Like Hannah, every woman has adversaries. It may be your own sister, sister-in-law, mother, mother-in-law or anyone else. Hannah won over by her piety and quietness. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov 15:1). Learn to bridle your tongue. Then you will understand like Hannah that, “It is not by strength that one prevails!” (1 Sam 2:9). It needs a minimum of two people to fight. If you say so-and-so fought with you, you are betraying yourself. No one can fight with you if you don’t cooperate. Oh, how we need to give our heart and tongue over to the Lord to keep us from fighting. It can alter the hole tenor of our marriage, the  whole tenor of our life, like Hannah’s. But fighting derails us at every turn of life.

Jesus said: “My Kingdom is not of this world. If it were, My servants would fight” (Jn 18:36). To which kingdom do you belong? Fighting is like foraging through dustbins. It’s not worth getting dirty all over for what you get out of it.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire  but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God” (Js 4:1,2). Lust and convetousness are self-defeating. Do you know how many people fight for dowry and destroy their lives? Ask God like Hannah in keeping with His will; don’t burn up your energy in fight. It is the greatest waste of energy.

The young Amaziah enthusiastically hired Israelite troops for his Judean army, paying about four tons of silver. But a man of God advised him to dismiss them. Amaziah asked, “But what about the hundred talents I paid for these Israelite troops?” The man of God replied, “The Lord can give you much more than that.” So Amaziah dismissed them (2 Chron 25:6-10). Are you disputing over property, power, popularity or anything else, even in self-defence? Remember the counsel of the man of God. We gain by losing and we lose by fighting. It is better to obey God and allow the other party to walk off with the silver. It is advantageous to have God on our side.

Jesus said, “What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him unclean, but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him unclean” (Mt 15:11). Others may irritate you to fight. Don’t let somebody’s fiery temper maculate your purity. Withold your tongue. Man congratulates what we do. God congratulates what we do not do too! Even if you become angry, sin not (Eph 4:24). That means, suppress your rage from spilling over into your relationships with others. Don’t accept your habitual fighting as a weakness. Take it to the Lord in prayer as a sin and confess everytime you fight. A strong mind can control the body. Refuse to fight. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling ... Be kind” (Eph 4:31,32).

A woman is womanly only when she is calm, quiet, soft-spoken and gentle. Be filled with the FRUIT of the Spirit. If you love, you won’t fight; if you are joyful, you won’t get angry; if you love peace, you won’t contend; if you are longsuffering, you won’t stir up conflict; if you are gentle, your words will turn away wrath; if you are good, you won’t be short-tempered; if you have faith in the Lord, you won’t trust in the strength of your arm; if you are meek, you won’t talk word for word; if you have self-control, you can certainly control your tongue and spirit.

Fighting cock is masculine. But by vogue it has become feminine. Are you a fighting cock?

 

Dr. Lilian Stanley
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Vellore 632006, India
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