Hurts and offences are unavoidable even for believers. Jesus spoke on this to His disciples. It was about two individuals who could be close brothers or sisters or husband and wife or mother and daughter or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. All that they did step by step to build up their relationship came tumbling down like a house of cards by a sharp word or an unloving deed. Offences crept in and created a chasm. Jesus described the laudable gesture of the one who offended, who came back to patch up the punctured relationship. It gives us a peep into the working of the mind of the offender.
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Lk 17:3,4).
Both the characters play a vital role in repairing the relationship. The offended is hurt and he rebukes. But surprisingly the offender is also deeply hurt that he hurt his brother. Please note that he did not repent immediately and apologise then and there. He could not stomach the rebuke straightaway. He went away in anger, probably feeling that he was on the right. But when he came to himself he realised his fault and returned to apologise and restore the fellowship.
In the school of discipline, to be hurt is far easier than to hurt. Did this fellow hurt his brother intentionally? I don’t think so. One thing is certain, that he was hurt because he hurt his brother. Was he serious about his apology? Dead earnest!
As the pain of the first incident was getting healed, the relationship which was in deep-freeze for sometime, started to thaw and to bud and blossom. Laughter returned to their eyes. Then the bottom fell out. This fellow having repented and having asked forgiveness committed another offence against the same brother the same day! Call it audacity? Did he do it wilfully? No, never.
This fellow (I let loose my imagination) goes home being smitten in heart that he had repeated the error. He pulls at his hair for his failure. His self-esteem nosedives. He thinks of giving up the struggle but feels it is too good a friendship to break. He encourages himself and decides to apologise again.
Okay, forgiven. Now the third time. The rebuke resounds in his ears like a scorpion sting and memory turns acid, and yet again he asks forgiveness. He retrospects, “The way I reacted to his rebuke, I’m sure my brother will never dare rebuke, counsel and help me again. I have lost a good friend.” He decides never to hurt again. Yet his decisions go up in a puff of smoke.
If there was a self-destruction button he would have pressed it. Like a worm in the throes of death he convulses, “It is better for me to walk out of my brother’s life. It is not right for me to be offending him time and again. In spite of my decisions I find my weakness taking over. Let me not have anything to do with him.” But, oh hell! They are working in the same office, or probably living in the same area or quite probably under the same roof. And so he thinks, “At least let me keep my big mouth shut.”
They meet each other everyday and that so many times (definitely more than seven). He has lapsed into silence and keeps aloof. Yet he deeply regrets his attitude. He has no guts to attempt a conversation. Sadly, he doesn’t realise that his brother is also hurting.
The offended is worrying if his rebuke was too sharp and whether it killed the spirit of his brother. He is secretly praying and hoping that he would come round. He is unable to see that the one who hurt is also hurting and repenting. Who would cement the breach?
The uneasy silence becomes unbearably loud. The relationship is thrown out of gear though the ceremonious apologising and forgiving is over. The very thought of meeting his brother scares the daylight out of the offender. He is afraid to venture into rebuilding the relationship lest he stumble again. Silence is golden for him. But when silence is valued as gold then relationship becomes brass. What shall he do?
He goes home and flounders. “How can I go on like this and for how long? Let me break the silence. I shall cautiously weigh every word before uttering anything.” So he becomes too careful with his words and that kills a free spirit. He takes a few halting steps towards a free conversation. Slowly the friendship experiences a resurrection and takes to its wings and the past is soon forgotten. There is joking and mirth and fun.
But alas, another ill-spoken word brings down the relationship crashing. The offender hits upon his head for his silly blunders and laments. “What a fool I had been. There is no use trying again. I would rather muzzle my mouth.” What a dumb idea! That is death sentence for the relationship.
Now, it is either a seeming victory for self and a broken relationship or a self- humiliating series of failures and a gradual building up of a friendship and character. Which one to opt?
This is where the Bible steps in. Both options look spiritual but the second alone a Biblical. So there he goes again to restitute matters for the seventh time. The spirit has got victory over the soul. What gives him the courage and confidence to beg pardon seven times? It is the love and concern of the one who had the confidence and courage to untiringly rebuke and forgive and restore his near and dear one. He has walked not only the second mile but the seventh mile!
Don’t we see glum faces all around us spilling over their gloom into the world? These are the ones who prefer to preserve their false image of perfection at the cost of a warm and cordial relationship which of course invites a lot of problems. They have
sacrificed unity on the altar of ego and selfishness. That is cowardice. Ideally we have to find the solution for the problems as and when they spring up which in the longer run will bless us with deeply ingrained spiritual qualities. we are all sailing the same boat and we need to encourage, uphold and build up one another and grow together.
It always takes two to make or break a relationship. It is in this making process that we discover that it is a lot easier to be a charming personality to a million people we don’t know. Closeness peels off our mask mercilessly, layer by layer to know ourselves better and become better. The greatest of faults is to be aware of none. On the other hand, “see what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves...” (2 Cor 7:11).
Solid lasting relationships take time. They are built on knowledge and mutual respect and requires a lot of give and take. Frictions are unavoidable. But peace comes not from the absence of frictions but from the ability to cope with them. If we are humble enough to come again and ask again and cry again and try again, the impossible will become possible. An ongoing relationship is possible only when you dare to hurt and get hurt. This is the sandpapering of the saint. God is tailoring our suit of righteousness and the cuts and stitches go deep and hard so they will last long.
God sees success where no one else does, not even we ourselves. “Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” (Prov 24:26). The righteous man wails that he fell down seven times. But God shakes his hand for getting up seven times. It is like dipping down in Jordan seven times in a day to be washed of leprosy (2 Ki 5:14). It is like marching around the walls of Jericho seven times in a day and bringing it down with a victorious shout (Josh 6:15,16). Is not silver purified seven times? (Psa 12:6). Did not Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego get their Big Brother closer when the furnace was seven times hotter? (Dan 3:19).
A word in conclusion: Never let mountains grow out of mole hills. Quoting somebody’s words. “If two people who love each other let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows ... it becomes a month, a year, a century. It becomes too late!”
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, 8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
Hurts and offences are unavoidable even for believers. Jesus spoke on this to His disciples. It was about two individuals who could be close brothers or sisters or husband and wife or mother and daughter or mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. All that they did step by step to build up their relationship came tumbling down like a house of cards by a sharp word or an unloving deed. Offences crept in and created a chasm. Jesus described the laudable gesture of the one who offended, who came back to patch up the punctured relationship. It gives us a peep into the working of the mind of the offender.
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him” (Lk 17:3,4).
Both the characters play a vital role in repairing the relationship. The offended is hurt and he rebukes. But surprisingly the offender is also deeply hurt that he hurt his brother. Please note that he did not repent immediately and apologise then and there. He could not stomach the rebuke straightaway. He went away in anger, probably feeling that he was on the right. But when he came to himself he realised his fault and returned to apologise and restore the fellowship.
In the school of discipline, to be hurt is far easier than to hurt. Did this fellow hurt his brother intentionally? I don’t think so. One thing is certain, that he was hurt because he hurt his brother. Was he serious about his apology? Dead earnest!
As the pain of the first incident was getting healed, the relationship which was in deep-freeze for sometime, started to thaw and to bud and blossom. Laughter returned to their eyes. Then the bottom fell out. This fellow having repented and having asked forgiveness committed another offence against the same brother the same day! Call it audacity? Did he do it wilfully? No, never.
This fellow (I let loose my imagination) goes home being smitten in heart that he had repeated the error. He pulls at his hair for his failure. His self-esteem nosedives. He thinks of giving up the struggle but feels it is too good a friendship to break. He encourages himself and decides to apologise again.
Okay, forgiven. Now the third time. The rebuke resounds in his ears like a scorpion sting and memory turns acid, and yet again he asks forgiveness. He retrospects, “The way I reacted to his rebuke, I’m sure my brother will never dare rebuke, counsel and help me again. I have lost a good friend.” He decides never to hurt again. Yet his decisions go up in a puff of smoke.
If there was a self-destruction button he would have pressed it. Like a worm in the throes of death he convulses, “It is better for me to walk out of my brother’s life. It is not right for me to be offending him time and again. In spite of my decisions I find my weakness taking over. Let me not have anything to do with him.” But, oh hell! They are working in the same office, or probably living in the same area or quite probably under the same roof. And so he thinks, “At least let me keep my big mouth shut.”
They meet each other everyday and that so many times (definitely more than seven). He has lapsed into silence and keeps aloof. Yet he deeply regrets his attitude. He has no guts to attempt a conversation. Sadly, he doesn’t realise that his brother is also hurting.
The offended is worrying if his rebuke was too sharp and whether it killed the spirit of his brother. He is secretly praying and hoping that he would come round. He is unable to see that the one who hurt is also hurting and repenting. Who would cement the breach?
The uneasy silence becomes unbearably loud. The relationship is thrown out of gear though the ceremonious apologising and forgiving is over. The very thought of meeting his brother scares the daylight out of the offender. He is afraid to venture into rebuilding the relationship lest he stumble again. Silence is golden for him. But when silence is valued as gold then relationship becomes brass. What shall he do?
He goes home and flounders. “How can I go on like this and for how long? Let me break the silence. I shall cautiously weigh every word before uttering anything.” So he becomes too careful with his words and that kills a free spirit. He takes a few halting steps towards a free conversation. Slowly the friendship experiences a resurrection and takes to its wings and the past is soon forgotten. There is joking and mirth and fun.
But alas, another ill-spoken word brings down the relationship crashing. The offender hits upon his head for his silly blunders and laments. “What a fool I had been. There is no use trying again. I would rather muzzle my mouth.” What a dumb idea! That is death sentence for the relationship.
Now, it is either a seeming victory for self and a broken relationship or a self- humiliating series of failures and a gradual building up of a friendship and character. Which one to opt?
This is where the Bible steps in. Both options look spiritual but the second alone a Biblical. So there he goes again to restitute matters for the seventh time. The spirit has got victory over the soul. What gives him the courage and confidence to beg pardon seven times? It is the love and concern of the one who had the confidence and courage to untiringly rebuke and forgive and restore his near and dear one. He has walked not only the second mile but the seventh mile!
Don’t we see glum faces all around us spilling over their gloom into the world? These are the ones who prefer to preserve their false image of perfection at the cost of a warm and cordial relationship which of course invites a lot of problems. They have
sacrificed unity on the altar of ego and selfishness. That is cowardice. Ideally we have to find the solution for the problems as and when they spring up which in the longer run will bless us with deeply ingrained spiritual qualities. we are all sailing the same boat and we need to encourage, uphold and build up one another and grow together.
It always takes two to make or break a relationship. It is in this making process that we discover that it is a lot easier to be a charming personality to a million people we don’t know. Closeness peels off our mask mercilessly, layer by layer to know ourselves better and become better. The greatest of faults is to be aware of none. On the other hand, “see what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves...” (2 Cor 7:11).
Solid lasting relationships take time. They are built on knowledge and mutual respect and requires a lot of give and take. Frictions are unavoidable. But peace comes not from the absence of frictions but from the ability to cope with them. If we are humble enough to come again and ask again and cry again and try again, the impossible will become possible. An ongoing relationship is possible only when you dare to hurt and get hurt. This is the sandpapering of the saint. God is tailoring our suit of righteousness and the cuts and stitches go deep and hard so they will last long.
God sees success where no one else does, not even we ourselves. “Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” (Prov 24:26). The righteous man wails that he fell down seven times. But God shakes his hand for getting up seven times. It is like dipping down in Jordan seven times in a day to be washed of leprosy (2 Ki 5:14). It is like marching around the walls of Jericho seven times in a day and bringing it down with a victorious shout (Josh 6:15,16). Is not silver purified seven times? (Psa 12:6). Did not Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego get their Big Brother closer when the furnace was seven times hotter? (Dan 3:19).
A word in conclusion: Never let mountains grow out of mole hills. Quoting somebody’s words. “If two people who love each other let a single instant wedge itself between them, it grows ... it becomes a month, a year, a century. It becomes too late!”
Dr. Lilian Stanley
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91 9843511943
lilianstanley@gmail.com
Blessing Youth Mission
13 Church Colony
Vellore 632006, India
+91-416-2242943, +91-416-2248943
hq@bymonline.org
www.bymonline.org
Click here for more options
To buy books written by Dr. Lilian Stanley, kindly reach to us in the follwing address
Blessing Literature Centre
21/11 West Coovam River Road,
Chintadripet,
Chennai 600 002, India.
+91-44-28450411, Mob:8806270699
blc@bymonline.org
